Journey Together

A few years ago, when Zach was finalizing his decision to become a Pastor in the United Methodist Church, and going through the steps to make that decision a reality, we had lunch with a, at the time, dear friend.  It was during this lunch that I was told by this friend that I was not cut out to be a Pastor's wife.  I was told that I could very likely hinder my husband's ministry unless I chose to change who I was.  This conversation, which was less a conversation and more an attack (in my honest opinion), left me feeling many things.  Anger, indignation, betrayal, and, most of all, insecurity.  It was the last thing I needed to hear at this point in our lives.  We had already accepted a job at a new church, in a new town, things were already in motion, there was no going back now.

I returned home from that lunch and promptly cried buckets of tears.  Zach and I discussed, at length, whether or not we thought this friend was correct in his assessment of me.  My dear husband reassured me repeatedly that I would not hinder his career in anyway, which, I'll admit, I only half believed.  I didn't choose this life.  I married a man who was going to school for business.  When we got married we both only worked part time at the church, helping with the youth.  There was a time when Zach worked full-time in sales, both of us thinking that this was his future.  I never would have thought that God would call him into full time ministry.

Since that afternoon three years ago, I have met many Pastor spouses.  Each one has taught me that there is no one way to live this life.  Each one is different in personality, in gifts, in weaknesses.  Each one has a different opinion of their role in the church and in the ministry of their pastor spouse.  I've been told by more experienced spouses that I have permission to choose my own path.  True, not everyone in the church we are sent to will like me, not everyone will agree with my chosen path, regardless of what it is.  You simply can not please everyone all of the time.

Still, with this knowledge and with these great mentors in my own life, the insecurity persists.  I have not been able to rid myself of the voice of that friend, hearing it in the back of my mind each and every day.  There have been moments, times of despair and uncertainty, that I lament "I am not cut out for this life!"  I cry out to God,"How could Zach be so obviously called to ministry, to being a Pastor, and I am not called to go with him?!"  These moments occur more often than I would like to admit.

However, last week I was able to go to the Annual Conference of the New Mexico United Methodist Churches.  This was my first time at Conference and I quite enjoyed it, despite the long business sessions.  There was a special speaker at Conference, Pastor Jorge Acevedo, who said quite a few things that was life giving to me.  One such thing was, "Comparison is not of the devil, it is the devil."  I would imagine that all of us are guilty of comparing ourselves with others.  It doesn't usually lead to anything good.  Pastor Acevedo had many good things to say, particularly at the Ordination Service.  I found myself getting inspired, inspired to do ministry.  Inspired to do ministry with my husband, excited and emotional, thinking of the day when he will finally be ordained.  Then, like a light turning on, sitting in that service, it occurred to me.  I am called to this life.  Sure, my calling looks nothing like Zach's, and it looks nothing like the spouses of other Pastor's, but it's a calling all the same.  I know I help Zach do ministry when I am at home with the kids feeling useless.  I help when he can go where he needs to go, do what he needs to do, and he knows that I have things handled at home.  I help when I support him unconditionally, when he knows I am willing to go with him wherever his ministry takes him.  I must stand firm in the faith that God has called all of us, in some fashion, and I must not be tempted to compare my calling with others.  I also must remember that as we continue along our paths, the view will change but the destination is unwavering.

I can not promise that I will not have moments of insecurity, of doubt, of worry, moments where I compare myself with someone else.  I can not promise that everyone will like me or agree with my choices.  I can only continue on the best that I know how, hand in hand with my husband, in the full and comforting embrace of our Father, enveloped in the unending and unwavering grace that is offered to us all.

May I please offer a plea to all my church going friends, laity and clergy both, to stop comparing, but to love one another, encourage and uphold the calling in one another, even if it looks different that what we expect or desire?  Thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know.

Reflections...

The Bechtold family had a great Father's Day.  Saturday was a late night and we had to get up early the next morning for church, so I was expecting many meltdowns.  I was proven wrong and the kids were great all day!  VBS was last week so on Sunday Zoe got up with the other children to sing in two of the services.  She did so well.  After church we took Zach out to lunch.  I was telling Zoe how proud I was that she is so willing to go up in front of the church and sing and dance.  Zach made the comment that that is something that I wouldn't have done when I was her age (which is true).  Zoe looked at me and said,"Don't worry mom, we'll practise and you'll get better." Thanks kid.

After I got a comment similar to Zach's from my mom when I was bragging to her about Zoe, it got me thinking.  When I was entering middle school I chose to follow my sister's footsteps and elect to be in band.  Like my sister I chose to play the flute.  Mom immediately enrolled my sister and me in private flute lessons.  Instead of the normal recital,s our instructor had us play before the service began at church.  I made it through only because we were able to "hide" a little in the alcove of the sanctuary while we played.

The church she had us play in was the church we sometimes attended.  Most Sundays that we went Mom would take us to Sunday School and then we would leave before worship.  When we did attend worship we would sit in the balcony away from the rest of the congregation.  I remember waking up many Sunday mornings hoping that Mom wouldn't want to go.  I hated going.

On the day of one of these recitals my Dad came to listen.  I remember this being one of the only times I had seen my Dad in church.  It was after this service that my Dad decided our family was going to be regular attenders.  NOOOOOOOO!  After my sister and I objected vehemently about having to attend this church, my parents made a choice to attend another, smaller church in town and we were promptly baptized and joined the church as a family.  We've come a long way since then.

As I was reflecting over this story I was struck with the idea of how different life would be if my dad hadn't come to listen to the flute performance.  It's obvious that God had been working in my Dad though I have no idea how.  It reminds me of that song "It only takes a spark, to get a fire going."

My Dad is one of the most amazing Christian men I have ever met.   I know that he has touched so many hearts, by his actions and his words.  He is a man that so many others can look up to and respect. 

My kids are very blessed to have this man as their "Riley."  No man has loved his grandkids more and it's so evident in every action and every moment he gives them.  Dad never hesitates to get down on the floor and put a puzzle together with them or to give them a boost into the tree outside.  Acts of love that they will carry with them their entire lives.

We are all blessed to have him in our lives and I know that he will continue to be one that my family and other will look to for guidance.

Thank God for flute lessons! 

Riley listens to Noah.

Zoe loves Riley cuddle time.

Just ask...

If you know we well you should know that I love history and I love books.  I especially love books about history.  I love reading about things that took place way before my time and seeing parallels to my life.  It doesn't matter when you live, life is pretty much the same - hard.  You will always have problems, choices to make, and people to love.  Somethings never change.

This summer my Youth kids asked to study some stories from the Old Testament that they may have heard before but never really studied.  We are cruising through Genesis and last nights study was centered around Abraham when he was still Abram.  Here is a man that God chose to be the father of His people.  Abraham was chosen to bear a great responsibility and yet he was just a man.  He had choices to make and just like the rest of us, sometimes he took the wrong path.

We see other great men in the Bible who were chosen for great things and yet they really screwed up (see David and Solomon).  They were given everything they needed, anything they asked God for, He provided.  It was when they tried to do things on their own, without seeking God, that disaster ensued. 

We are human. We make mistakes.  We get caught up in our own lives and we forget to seek God's will in what we are doing.  When a problem arises, so often we try and fix it ourselves, instead of going to God in prayer or delving into His word to discern what path we should choose.

God gives us all we need.  All we need to do is ask...

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5
Thanks be to God.

Never Alone

I am a Christian.  I am also a member of the United Methodist Church.  I am a Methodist by choice.  Yes, I was brought up in the Methodist Church, but that is not the reason I am one today and choosing to raise my own children in the Methodist Church.  There was a time, most of the years I was at McMurry actually, that I was completely lost.  Searching for my place in this world, searching for something that was true and worthwhile.  I remember one night in particular, kneeling on the floor of my tiny dorm room, pleading with God for answers.  My last two years at McMurry was spent with me on a mission.  I needed to find out what it was I believed.  I researched, wrote papers on topics that were, at the time, mysteries to me, all the while trying to discern for myself what was real and what was not.  I questioned all facets of religion, not just Christianity, starting with my beliefs on the very basics, starting my faith journey at the very beginning.

I can not pretend to have all the answers.  What is truth for me may not be truth for someone else.  That's okay.  I have particular beliefs about certain issues which is why I am still a member of the United Methodist Church.  The Methodist church best aligns with my own beliefs, once I decided what they were.  I am fully comfortable raising my children in this tradition, but hopefully equipping them with the ability to one day discern for themselves what they believe to be truth.

I have been blessed to be able to teach Confirmation to 12 youth these past few weeks.  I have learned alot myself.  Last week we discussed a tool for discernment known in the Methodist tradition as "the Wesleyan Quadrilateral."  For those of you unfamiliar with this, the quadrilateral is a way to prayerfully discern what God's will is for you by using scripture, tradition, reason and experience (the four sides of the quadrilateral).  I earnestly want my youth and my own children to have the ability, the tools, and the maturity to go prayerfully into Scripture, and through what they already know through their own experiences and what they have been taught in their church tradition, use their God-given gift of reason to discern their own path in this world.

We have also been teaching that even though this is a tradition in which we have chosen to live our lives, it is not our place to judge what someone else believes.  I may disagree, that is my right, but I may not judge. 

I have blogged before about certain beliefs that I consider false prophecy.  Though I do not judge those who may be misled (in my opinion) I do pray for them and encourage everyone to never believe something just because someone you trust tells you that is truth.  Ask God for wisdom because wisdom is something He never withholds.

One last thing, there is a reason they call it a "Spiritual journey."  We are forever learning, always questioning, always listening, and always teaching.

In other news Zach is spending his week in Denver with a crew of Wesley students doing mission work.  Today they are painting a house.  He texted me,"Caulking with college students is worse than with Jr. High kids."  Having experienced caulking with junior high kids, I can only imagine.  At least I know that they are enjoying themselves.

I am spending my week with my kids who are on their Spring Break.  The weather has kept us indoors for the most part and we have a case of cabin fever that has resulted in lots of screaming, tears, and a mommy about ready to tear her hair out.  Thankfully, my trusty weather man tells me the rest of the week is going to be beautiful so I hope to spend much of our time outdoors in the coming days.

I hope the rest of your week is overflowing with blessings of your own.

"I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone" - Barlow Girls

Calming the storm

Wednesday nights at our church looks like this: first we have a potluck, then we gather together in the sanctuary for a short devotional led by volunteers, and then we break up into our different classes, me, of course, heading to the youth room.  This past week we had a woman talk about the different trials in her life.  Examples being laid off from her teaching job a few years before retirement, finding a new job, then 10 months before she retired having to go home and take care of her ailing mother.  After she made account of these live altering events she commented on how now, years later, she can see how God was working during those times to turn those trials into blessings.

Her talk made me think of a question I saw posed by Adam Hamilton on facebook at the beginning of the week, asking (in an abridged version because I can't remember exactly how he worded it), "How has Christ calmed the waters of your storm?"

I began to think back over the trials I have faced in my own life.  The circumstances leading up to our leaving Plainview were definite trials that left us hurt and angry.  Evil certainly had it's way there but looking back it's easy to see how God was working in our lives.  Our time in New Boston was short and difficult. It gave us a time to get used to our new lives away from our family and everything else that we knew.  As much as we enjoyed East Texas we knew it was not our forever home.  God has something else in store for us. 

That leads us to Las Cruces.  A place we hope to be for a while longer, although, our past has taught us to never get too comfortable.  I believe that is what happened in Plainview.  We had been talking about leaving, maybe when the kids were older, not making any definite plans for our future.  We were comfortable, taking life for granted.  We were busy doing instead of busy living.  Our families were all right there so it became way to easy for us to drop off the kids when Zach and I wanted to do something.  I also wanted to stay home full-time with the kids but Zach's salary in Plainview couldn't support us.  Then, when the devil was working to ruin lives, God opened a door for us, just in the most unexpected way. 

We were alone, forced to grow up and depend on ourselves.  We had no babysitters, forcing us to spend time with our kids and have so many wonderful experiences with them.  We were out of our comfort zone, forcing us to reevaluate what was important to us.

This past week, when Erin was here, I took a break from my Sunday night activities and instead, went to worship at Wesley.  As we were heading home later that night, Erin told me how proud she was of Zach.  She could see how much he had grown since she last heard him teach in Plainview.  Yes, he has grown, thanks to what this past year has put us through.

We always knew we were going where we needed to go.  We have known for awhile that God has been blessing us beyond measure.  And know we can look back, to those moments of hurt, anger, disappointment, and fear, and know God was there, to calm the waters...

As a final note I would like to attach a youtube clip of one of my favorite songs.  The words are so beautiful.

James 1 1:18

Thanks to my Husband for the above scripture. What struck me most about it is that we can ask God for anything and everything but if we don't know Him we wont even realize when he answers our prayers. I have never liked the expression of "Let go and Let God." God wants us to be proactive. We are constantly being pulled in so many directions in this world, evil is at every turn, even when we think we are doing good and where we are supposed to be, evil is there. We have to constantly be on alert if we wish to do God's will for us. We aren't to worry about that which we can not change but if we just "let go" then we can loose the ability to hear what God is telling us. It's very easy to become complacent. Just my two cents.

On another note -

Today I asked Zoe to put some shoes on and go get the paper. She responded with, "I was planning to. It was on my list. It was right after going potty." Hehe...who knew she was so organized ;)

Also, Noah took a step today. Just one and then he sat down. I don't even think he realized he did it. Mom hopes he can hold off walking until they come next week so they can witness it. Crazy that Easter is in 2 weeks!

Thankful for many things today, including Benadryl and coffee....