Greetings from Big Sky Country

It's been a long while since I last wrote and it's been almost as long since we moved across country to our new home in Montana.  So much about our lives have changed in such a short amount of time, that the abruptness of our new life has stunned me into a writer's block. 

I've been struck at how quickly life can change.  It's never easy.  Thankfully, this new path we are on, we feel 100% called to, called to Montana, called to this place, called to this new ministry.  That belief has made things easier. 

We love this new home.  It's different here, and not in a bad way.  So much of what I have longed for can be found in this small, charming town.  I finally feel like my kids are able to enjoy aspects of my childhood that I thought they'd forever miss out on.  The kids have settled in nicely, enjoying school, making friends, getting involved in activities.   It feels...settled.

It hasn't been completely easy.  We are a long way off from anything that used to be familiar.  There was a time that I would expect to see someone I knew when I went to a local store, only to be reminded that I didn't know anyone for thousands of miles.  That's a very lonely feeling.  There were many days where I lingered at our new house, unpacking boxes, settling our belongings, and would be overcome with homesickness.  If only I could have gone "home" for a weekend, I thought, just a couple of days with loved ones...

It's been six months since our rushed move north.  We have experienced so much.  We saw two new states that none of us had seen before.  We drove into a new town, up to a new house, that we had only seen in a few pictures.  We experienced the loneliness of not seeing family for many months.  We have seen scenes from this country that take your breath away with it's grandness and beauty, experiencing nature in a new and amazing way.  We have lived through the worst winter (and still not over we hear) that we have ever imagined.  We have made many new relationships, been embraced by three church congregations in three different towns.  We have also lost friends we thought we had, people from previous churches who refused to even say goodbye to us before we left town.  We have experienced the heart ache of being misunderstood.  We have seen the confusion in our children's eyes as they struggled to understand why there were being discarded.

It's never easy. 

Being in this profession, and living this life, we expect challenges.  We know change will be coming around the bend.  We know, never to get too comfortable.  We also know that this is a life with great reward.

For know we can say, we are home.  We are where we belong.  We know this part of our path is true, and good, and exactly where we are supposed to be.  We know who loves us, and we know Him who loves us most.  It may never be easy, but it is definitely worth it. 

We are living our adventure. 

Journey Together

A few years ago, when Zach was finalizing his decision to become a Pastor in the United Methodist Church, and going through the steps to make that decision a reality, we had lunch with a, at the time, dear friend.  It was during this lunch that I was told by this friend that I was not cut out to be a Pastor's wife.  I was told that I could very likely hinder my husband's ministry unless I chose to change who I was.  This conversation, which was less a conversation and more an attack (in my honest opinion), left me feeling many things.  Anger, indignation, betrayal, and, most of all, insecurity.  It was the last thing I needed to hear at this point in our lives.  We had already accepted a job at a new church, in a new town, things were already in motion, there was no going back now.

I returned home from that lunch and promptly cried buckets of tears.  Zach and I discussed, at length, whether or not we thought this friend was correct in his assessment of me.  My dear husband reassured me repeatedly that I would not hinder his career in anyway, which, I'll admit, I only half believed.  I didn't choose this life.  I married a man who was going to school for business.  When we got married we both only worked part time at the church, helping with the youth.  There was a time when Zach worked full-time in sales, both of us thinking that this was his future.  I never would have thought that God would call him into full time ministry.

Since that afternoon three years ago, I have met many Pastor spouses.  Each one has taught me that there is no one way to live this life.  Each one is different in personality, in gifts, in weaknesses.  Each one has a different opinion of their role in the church and in the ministry of their pastor spouse.  I've been told by more experienced spouses that I have permission to choose my own path.  True, not everyone in the church we are sent to will like me, not everyone will agree with my chosen path, regardless of what it is.  You simply can not please everyone all of the time.

Still, with this knowledge and with these great mentors in my own life, the insecurity persists.  I have not been able to rid myself of the voice of that friend, hearing it in the back of my mind each and every day.  There have been moments, times of despair and uncertainty, that I lament "I am not cut out for this life!"  I cry out to God,"How could Zach be so obviously called to ministry, to being a Pastor, and I am not called to go with him?!"  These moments occur more often than I would like to admit.

However, last week I was able to go to the Annual Conference of the New Mexico United Methodist Churches.  This was my first time at Conference and I quite enjoyed it, despite the long business sessions.  There was a special speaker at Conference, Pastor Jorge Acevedo, who said quite a few things that was life giving to me.  One such thing was, "Comparison is not of the devil, it is the devil."  I would imagine that all of us are guilty of comparing ourselves with others.  It doesn't usually lead to anything good.  Pastor Acevedo had many good things to say, particularly at the Ordination Service.  I found myself getting inspired, inspired to do ministry.  Inspired to do ministry with my husband, excited and emotional, thinking of the day when he will finally be ordained.  Then, like a light turning on, sitting in that service, it occurred to me.  I am called to this life.  Sure, my calling looks nothing like Zach's, and it looks nothing like the spouses of other Pastor's, but it's a calling all the same.  I know I help Zach do ministry when I am at home with the kids feeling useless.  I help when he can go where he needs to go, do what he needs to do, and he knows that I have things handled at home.  I help when I support him unconditionally, when he knows I am willing to go with him wherever his ministry takes him.  I must stand firm in the faith that God has called all of us, in some fashion, and I must not be tempted to compare my calling with others.  I also must remember that as we continue along our paths, the view will change but the destination is unwavering.

I can not promise that I will not have moments of insecurity, of doubt, of worry, moments where I compare myself with someone else.  I can not promise that everyone will like me or agree with my choices.  I can only continue on the best that I know how, hand in hand with my husband, in the full and comforting embrace of our Father, enveloped in the unending and unwavering grace that is offered to us all.

May I please offer a plea to all my church going friends, laity and clergy both, to stop comparing, but to love one another, encourage and uphold the calling in one another, even if it looks different that what we expect or desire?  Thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know.

Trying to See...

This past weekend Zach and I were able to go to a Youth Leader Retreat put on by our conference.  We left Thursday and retreated until Saturday.  It was lovely.  Going to the mountains is always a treat for me, I love the cool air and we even got rain! Lots and lots of rain.

The conference was able to bring in a speaker to lead the retreat and so we got to spend the weekend with Mark Yaconelli.  If you are unfamiliar with him, go check out the link, especially if you work with youth in any capacity.  I really enjoyed the times we were able to sit and speak to him, to hear his philosophies on ministry and life.

The theme of this retreat was, more or less, about being able to take your Sabbath.  To find that place of peace and rest in the midst of our chaotic lives.  We also talked a lot about compassion, what that looks like, how to show it, and how to receive it. 

I don't know about anyone else but I struggle with showing compassion to others.  In my mind I'm secretly thinking, "Geez, you think you have it tough? There are people all over the world so worse off than you."  I know, it's horrible!  I find that I constantly have to remind myself that pain is pain, regardless of anything else. 

During one such session, when Mark was giving us a model of what compassion looks like and how to get there, I thought of my daughter.  I specific image came to my mind:  Noah, running around, falling and skinning his knee on the asphalt.  It immediately began to bleed and he just barely whimpered, struggling as I tried to clean the wound.  His loving sister came by and, upon seeing her brother's knee, had tears well up in her eyes.  She stood, transfixed by the sight of her brother's physical hurt.  Slightly shaking her head back and forth, she repeated, over and over, "Poor, poor bubba."

Once again I find myself wishing I were more like my children.   Compassion and empathy comes so natural to them.  At what point does that change?  At what point do we loose the ability to notice one's suffering and immediately feel compassion towards them?

Mark noted that the first step to showing compassion is seeing them as they really are.  Instead of seeing a kid as dirty or annoying or disruptive, we should see them as, well, just a kid.  A kid who may be hurting. 

My vision is often clouded with my own issues and prejudices. 

This weekend with other Youth workers in our area, most of whom I have never met, left me feeling humbled.  There is no other word to describe it.  However, I also feel that I left that mountain sanctuary with a few more tools in my arsenal.  I am so thankful.

May we all be able to truly see those around us.

Picture of Peace...



Even know-it-alls can learn something...

I work for a great church.  I am also blessed to work for a Pastor who just so happens to be a good friend.  He knows Zach and I quite well and when he suggests that we do something, we usually trust his judgment.  Several months ago Pastor Travis suggested we attend this years Willow Creek Association Global Leadership Summit.  I admit, I wasn't overly thrilled when I learned I had already been signed up to go.  In fact, I was hoping for something to come up so that I could back out.  Thankfully, nothing did! 

For the two days of the Summit Zach and I had to get the kids up and out the door before 6:30 for the 45 minute drive to El Paso.  We were meeting a church in El Paso that also opened up their nursery to watch our kids.  This was a televised conference, with the multiple speakers being in Chicago and sending live feed out to all the other locations.  All of these factors joined together to make a "I don't know about this" moment in my mind.  But can you believe it, with all my skepticism, I actually learned some things!? 

The leaders included Bill Hybels, Condoleezza Rice, Jim Collins, Craig Groeschel, Patrick Lencioni, and John Ortberg, among others.  There was so much that these great leaders said that I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and yell, "YES! That makes so much sense!"  or "YES! Where's so-in-so, so that they could be hearing this too!"  (I know, shame on me.)  So, I'm going to share some things I loved from this conference:

1.  "A leaders most valuable asset is their energy and ability to energize." - Bill Hybels

2. "Don't talk about going 'there' until you explain why you can't stay 'here'" - Bill Hybels

3. "Remember that it is a privilege to be a leader." - Bill Hybels (personal note, I forget this sometimes and need to remember how blessed I am to be in a position to lead others.)

4.  "The greatest quality of a leader is their irrepressible optimism." - Condoleezza Rice

5. "Out of struggle comes victory, after Friday comes Sunday." - Condoleezza Rice

6. "The x-factor of great leadership is humility combined with great will." - Jim Collins

7.  "Mediocrity comes from chronic inconsistency." - Jim Collins

8. "Don't fear or resent the next generation, believe in them." - Craig Groeschel

9. "If you're not dead, you're not done." - Craig Groeschel

10. "People act honorable when they have been shown honor and respect." - Craig Groeschel

11.  "Being all things to all people means you are nothing to everyone." - Patrick Lencioni

12.  "The discoverer of the role of forgiveness in human affairs was Jesus Christ." - John Ortberg

13. "Everyone benefits when a leader gets better." - Bill Hybels

14. "Jesus will not allow HIS church to be easily destroyed." - Bill Hybels

There is a lot more that I took away than these little snippets.  I came away with some reading, with inspiration, and with a drive to see how much more I can do, not just in regards to the Youth group, but with the church universal. 

As the Summit was coming to a close, the volunteers passed out a card with a prayer written on it.  The idea was to enter into a covenant with someone else to pray this prayer every morning.  The Prayer is added below.

Click on photo to enlarge it.

What are you doing with your talents and energy?  Your creativity and resources?  Together, we can change the world.

We don't judge

Several years ago I had the pleasure of getting to mentor a great group of teenage girls.  They were so much fun, they kept me young, and always had a style tip to share with me. ("Mikel, why are you wearing those 'mom' shoes?")  They taught me so much and I can only hope that I taught them a little something too.  A running gag that developed with this group was the saying, "We don't judge!"  This particular adage became a joke used between us. "You only like movies starring Mandy Moore? It's okay, we don't judge!" "You ate a pan of brownies for breakfast? It's okay, we don't judge!" Ah, I miss those girls...

This week has been another trial for me as once again I hurt my back and have been trying to take it easy.  Yesterday I tried to be productive and was adamant about leaving the house only to reinjure my back to the point I wasn't able to walk without incurring severe pain.  These days where I am frustrated and unable to do what I really want to do lead me to peruse the Internet.  I have come across all sorts of things this week.  Most of them quite disturbing.  There seems to be a lesson that a lot of people have yet to learn so let me drop a knowledge bomb on you.  Wait for it....

Christians can have fun.  There it is. Oh, and Christians can have a sense of humor.  We can enjoy life.  And we can live into the business of Christ without judging others.

 "God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?" James 4:12

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.  For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?  How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?  Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye." Matthew 7:1-5

How often have you seen this sentiment: "that's the problem with Christians, they're all hypocrites!" or "I could never be a part of a church because everyone who goes is so judgemental."


It's a shame that our own witness is keeping other's from discovering the great joy of living in Christ.  It's a terrible shame that our own actions are doing more harm than good.  Why is it so hard for us to just love? We can never hope to bring others into a relationship with Christ without first bringing them into a relationship with ourselves.  And newsflash people, no one wants to be around someone who is a judgemental hypocrite.

That's my rant for the day.  I pray that we can all look into ourselves and become the vessel that God calls us to be.

Blessings my friends!

Sometimes Life is hard...

This is Zoe's last week of preschool.  Wednesday is her last day and she is very ready to begin Kindergarten.  She is having a problem dealing with the fact that she will no longer be going to Bright Beginnings.   She came home from school today already in trouble from her father.  Apparently she didn't want to leave school and shared this feeling quite forcefully with Zach.  He did not appreciate that so much and punished her to her room as soon as they got home.

Knowing she was upset and guessing at the reason, I went in to talk to her.  I pulled her in my lap and she immediately began crying.  "I'm going to miss my friends so much! I'm never going to see them again!" she wailed.  I know her pain.  I sympathize with her.  Smoothing her sweaty hair back and wiping away her tears I told her,"People enter our lives for a reason.  If people are supposed to be in our lives we must trust in God that He will find a way to make it happen."

People have entered my life and left my life.  I have moved miles away from the people I care about.  I have to have faith that God has a plan for me and knows what people are meant for that plan.  Regardless of where I am I must believe that He has a way to ensure the right people are in my life.

As I stated in my previous post I have been giving a lot of thought to my ministry.  Anyone can have a ministry in my opinion, you don't have to have a job at a church or be a Minister.  People think that if they have a desire to serve God then they must go to seminary.  That's simply not true and if more people realized this then I think the state of our churches would be better.  We would have less ineffective pastors and more involved congregants, but I digress.  

We never know when we will depart this world, when today will be our last.  Can you feel comfortable with saying,"If I die tomorrow, I know that I leave this world a better place for having been in it."

St. Francis of Assisi is quoted as saying: "Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that have received--only what you have given."

I hope and pray that when I leave this place at least one person can say I had a positive impact on them.  Shouldn't that be what we all strive for? 

I will not be on Facebook much for a while.  If you need to contact me please message me or send me a text.  Peace be to you.