Journey Together

A few years ago, when Zach was finalizing his decision to become a Pastor in the United Methodist Church, and going through the steps to make that decision a reality, we had lunch with a, at the time, dear friend.  It was during this lunch that I was told by this friend that I was not cut out to be a Pastor's wife.  I was told that I could very likely hinder my husband's ministry unless I chose to change who I was.  This conversation, which was less a conversation and more an attack (in my honest opinion), left me feeling many things.  Anger, indignation, betrayal, and, most of all, insecurity.  It was the last thing I needed to hear at this point in our lives.  We had already accepted a job at a new church, in a new town, things were already in motion, there was no going back now.

I returned home from that lunch and promptly cried buckets of tears.  Zach and I discussed, at length, whether or not we thought this friend was correct in his assessment of me.  My dear husband reassured me repeatedly that I would not hinder his career in anyway, which, I'll admit, I only half believed.  I didn't choose this life.  I married a man who was going to school for business.  When we got married we both only worked part time at the church, helping with the youth.  There was a time when Zach worked full-time in sales, both of us thinking that this was his future.  I never would have thought that God would call him into full time ministry.

Since that afternoon three years ago, I have met many Pastor spouses.  Each one has taught me that there is no one way to live this life.  Each one is different in personality, in gifts, in weaknesses.  Each one has a different opinion of their role in the church and in the ministry of their pastor spouse.  I've been told by more experienced spouses that I have permission to choose my own path.  True, not everyone in the church we are sent to will like me, not everyone will agree with my chosen path, regardless of what it is.  You simply can not please everyone all of the time.

Still, with this knowledge and with these great mentors in my own life, the insecurity persists.  I have not been able to rid myself of the voice of that friend, hearing it in the back of my mind each and every day.  There have been moments, times of despair and uncertainty, that I lament "I am not cut out for this life!"  I cry out to God,"How could Zach be so obviously called to ministry, to being a Pastor, and I am not called to go with him?!"  These moments occur more often than I would like to admit.

However, last week I was able to go to the Annual Conference of the New Mexico United Methodist Churches.  This was my first time at Conference and I quite enjoyed it, despite the long business sessions.  There was a special speaker at Conference, Pastor Jorge Acevedo, who said quite a few things that was life giving to me.  One such thing was, "Comparison is not of the devil, it is the devil."  I would imagine that all of us are guilty of comparing ourselves with others.  It doesn't usually lead to anything good.  Pastor Acevedo had many good things to say, particularly at the Ordination Service.  I found myself getting inspired, inspired to do ministry.  Inspired to do ministry with my husband, excited and emotional, thinking of the day when he will finally be ordained.  Then, like a light turning on, sitting in that service, it occurred to me.  I am called to this life.  Sure, my calling looks nothing like Zach's, and it looks nothing like the spouses of other Pastor's, but it's a calling all the same.  I know I help Zach do ministry when I am at home with the kids feeling useless.  I help when he can go where he needs to go, do what he needs to do, and he knows that I have things handled at home.  I help when I support him unconditionally, when he knows I am willing to go with him wherever his ministry takes him.  I must stand firm in the faith that God has called all of us, in some fashion, and I must not be tempted to compare my calling with others.  I also must remember that as we continue along our paths, the view will change but the destination is unwavering.

I can not promise that I will not have moments of insecurity, of doubt, of worry, moments where I compare myself with someone else.  I can not promise that everyone will like me or agree with my choices.  I can only continue on the best that I know how, hand in hand with my husband, in the full and comforting embrace of our Father, enveloped in the unending and unwavering grace that is offered to us all.

May I please offer a plea to all my church going friends, laity and clergy both, to stop comparing, but to love one another, encourage and uphold the calling in one another, even if it looks different that what we expect or desire?  Thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know.

Peace in Chaos

If you are a reader of this blog, you probably know that Christmas is a favorite time of year for us.  I have written many a blog post over this season, the traditions we have, the joy we find in celebrating.  However, in true transparency, I must share that finding joy in the holiday season has not always been easy.

Last year, for example, was such a challenge.  It was the first year that we weren't with family for Christmas Eve.  It was also the first year that Zach had to work on Christmas Eve.  I really struggled with finding balance for our family with all the obligations we had.  I had a list a mile long of things I wanted to do as a family, activities and memory makers for our children.  I was so consumed with making Christmas as memorable as possible for our family, I was sucking the joy out of the entire season.  I broke one day, when all my well thought out plans went awry.  I was so focused on my ideas of what Christmas could and should be, that I forgot to even consider what my family wanted and needed out of this time of advent.

This year I vowed to not allow that to happen again.  However, now I find myself, two weeks from Christmas, and not at all in the holiday spirit.  Something is missing and I haven't quite been able to put my finger on what it is.

I smile to myself just now, reflecting on the ways God speaks to us.

Many of my friends and family know that my husband, the incorrigible Zach Bechtold, has a podcast with his good friend, Matt Franks, known as the Bearded Theologians.  Again, in true transparency, I admit that I am not a faithful listener to this podcast. (Sorry guys)  It's not because of anything other than I live with Zach and I listen to him all the time.  I mean, I have to hear his sermon twice on Sundays.  I love the guy and think he has thought provoking things to say, usually, but putting on their podcast isn't usually at the top of my to do list.  Today, however, in the midst of dealing with finishing Christmas shopping and tending to two sick and pitiful children, I pulled up a couple of podcasts and gave them a listen.

God finds ways to speak to us, even using our husbands.

The podcast I listened to came from last week and was about peace.  Finding peace. Finding peace within our self and through the gift of Jesus Christ.  There is no amount of decorating, baking, caroling, gifting, or cups of hot chocolate that can bring peace to this time of chaos and busyness.  Peace comes from one place, God, and we are responsible for allowing that peace to work in our own lives.  When we welcome peace into our own lives, that peace will be poured out into everything we do.  The chores of Christmas will become joyful, and that joy will seep into all that we do.

Welcome the peace.  Encourage others to find peace.  Take joy in the quiet times, realizing that we need those moments to hear what God is calling us to be, in that moment, and in the days to come.  Listen to who God is calling you to bring joy, happiness, and peace during the season of highs and lows.  Take the time to remember what is truly important, during this Christmas holiday and throughout the new year.

May peace be with you.

Take a listen to the Bearded Theologians podcast on peace below or at the Bearded Theologian website, where you can catch all their content: https://beardedtheologians.com

and give them a follow on facebook here:
https://www.facebook.com/BeardedTheologians/?fref=ts

'Cause He's My Best Friend...

Today, Zach and I celebrate eleven years of marriage.  We are celebrating separately today because Zach is out of town and wont be back until tomorrow.  This week I have been reflecting over the last eleven years of married life and the two years that lead up to our wedding and would like to share some of those reflections with you, if you'll indulge me.

Anniversary picture from last year.

Zach and I met at church.  A friend from my McMurry days was working as Youth Director at my home church when I moved back to Plainview.  It was a difficult time in my life and I was feeling very lost and alone.  Tyson, my McM pal, invited me to come help out with the youth group.  I debated whether or not to go because, well, I was scared.  Teenagers? Scary! But, I was lonely enough that I went.  I met Zach that first night.  He was so young and weird, he came and sat beside me right away and made me feel welcome.  He's gifted like that.

Just a couple of kids, working with some kids.

The next year had us working together and forming a friendship.  I never really thought about dating him, he was so young, we would never be more than just friends.  However, as the months went on, and as we continued in ministry together, I saw more in him.  We didn't always agree but he always listened to me.  He was very immature but I saw growth.  We didn't have a lot in common, but we always had fun together.  Finally, I decided to let the age difference not be an issue and we started dating on July 4, 2004.

Our dating life had some up and downs but within a few months I knew he was it for me.  I was done looking for Mr. Right,I had found him in Zach.  We talked about marriage for months before he finally popped the question a year into dating on July 4, 2005.  He took me for a picnic lunch at the place we first met, the church, and asked me to marry him.  It was perfect.

Our first "couple" pic

Not getting any younger we decided to not have a long engagement and set our wedding date for only two months away, before Zach got far into his semester of school.  It was a stressful two months but our wedding was wonderful.  So many friends and family came to help us celebrate.  We had a very simple ceremony, again, in the place we met, followed by a cookout at my aunt and uncles house.  It was just what I wanted and I am so grateful for the hard work our families put in to help us carry it off.

We didn't have a ton of money so we honeymooned in Santa Fe for a couple of days before we had to return to work and school.  So begins married life.

Hanging out in Santa Fe with my 20 year old husband.

That first year of marriage was so hard.  We were trying to figure out what being married really meant.  We had to learn to put each other first, above everyone else.  We had to learn to communicate.  I'll be honest, there were moments that first year that I thought about calling it quits.  There were moments that we almost let our differences break us.

First Christmas as a married couple.

A couple of weeks after our fist anniversary I became pregnant with Zoe.  With that pregnancy came even more obstacles we had to cross.  Money, house, jobs, church, family, so many things that could have gotten in the way had we let it.  I prayed constantly that the Lord would prepare Zach to be a dad, worried that at just 22 he wouldn't want the job.  We were still working at figuring things out as a couple, would we be able to figure things out as parents?

He's the best dad.

It wasn't easy, but we figured it out.  We went the next year after Zoe was born, fumbling along best we could.  Things were hard and again, I had doubts.  The turning point happened one Sunday in May a year after Zoe was born.  I found myself in our bedroom, alone and fuming about something Zach had done.  I was angry and hurt and couldn't believe he was just going to let me be angry and hurt alone.  Do you know what I did?  I sucked it up, got out of bed, and calmly as I could, I confronted Zach.  I told him that I was hurt and why I was mad.  We talked about it.  I discovered that he wasn't aware of the transgression that had so upset me.  He apologized and we talked for hours after that.  I learned in that moment, that if I wanted to have a marriage with him that I had to humble myself and communicate my feelings to him instead of allowing them to build up and fester inside of me.  That was a game changer.

Since then many things have happened in our lives, many bad, so much more great.  We have grown together, built a family together, and continued in ministry together.  Zach, this kid I thought was too young for me, has taught me so much.  He's taught me to love baseball, to love generously (although he's still way better at it), to trust always, and to forgive earnestly.  We still have hard times, moments that we struggle through, moments of doubt, but because we are able to continue to enter into conversation together, to share those feelings, we have been able to persevere.

Eleven years.  It's not a huge amount, but, I know, without a doubt it will continue.  We have a lifetime ahead of us, and I am certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that we will share it together.  You see, even though I know it wont always be easy, it is so worth it to put in the hard work to ensure we have as healthy a relationship as possible.  I know that our kids will grow up believing in true love, because we have shown them what that looks like.

It looks like this.

For Zach...

Well, Father's Day has come and gone but it's never to late for me to take a moment and try to put into writing how wonderful a father my husband is.  If you wish to escape some mushiness feel free to exit this page now.  For those of you remaining, consider yourself warned...

Zach was a young one when we married.  Many would say he was too young, perhaps they would be correct.  I was older, by six years, and was desperate to start a family.  I didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for but my clock was ticking.  We got pregnant a year after our marriage and I prayed earnestly that Zach was up for the task.  I shouldn't of worried, he was more than up for it.

Zoe came along and I could see immediately how much he was in love with her.  She reciprocated and has ever since had him wrapped around her finger.  Zoe is certain that her Daddy hung the moon. 

Noah came along during our most trying days as a family.  Work was leaching the life out of Zach on a daily basis.  One thing about working in ministry, it's never  just a job.  And when/if it does become "just a job" it ceases to be a ministry.  Zach was so preoccupied that I was worried that he had the energy to be a father to another little one.  Once again, Zach rose to the task.  I can't wait to see the relationship between father and son develop over the years, especially living in a house full of girls.

The next few years were a whirlwind.  Zach lived apart from us for a month, we moved twice, and suffered the loss of a little one.  Zach was gone often and money was tight.  It would of been so easy to let the little things, those precious moments that seem so insignficant to adults, but are so precious to children, go by the wayside.  Despite long work hours, Zach still made time for his family. 

Now we have a new precious gift.  Our family is now complete.  As I type this Zach is traveling to Dallas for Bishop's Week, an honor that I couldn't let him pass up.  He hated to leave us, that was clear.  The next week, and the weeks to come, will be difficult, for sure.  We miss Zach when he is gone but the moments we have together are so precious and dear to all of us.

I had hoped to do a special project with the kids as a special Father's Day gift to Zach, but time didn't allow it.  However, today I decided to get some pictures for Zach, to frame and have in his office.  Taking pictures with three kids can be a huge challenge as any parent knows.  I think a got a few good ones and I hope Zach likes them.  I dressed the kids up in their Rockies gear to make it even more special. 

 

 

I hope Zach always knows how much he is appreciated and loved.  We love you!

Point the way...

Zach is away at his first Annual Conference this week and the kids and I are at home, trucking along as usual.  We are pretty used to him being gone from his days as a Youth Pastor.  I think everyone underestimates how busy a youth pastor can be in the summer, or any time for that matter.  I know there are people in our lives who believed, and still do, that Zach only works one or two days a work and feel inclined to put work in quotations.

We have been so blessed to be able to do what we do.  We have met some incredible people and have gotten to be a part of some incredible events, all things we would have missed out on if we had "regular" jobs.  Sure, the pay's not great and sometimes the hours aren't either, but I know neither one of us would trade what we have done for all the money in the world.

Zach's trip to AC is sure to be the first of many and this fact alone gets me so excited for our future.  You see, we have a purpose.  God has great things in store for us and I can't wait to see what's next.  I know without a doubt we are on the right path.

Where is God directing you?  Are you able to see His direction through your own wordly desires?


Blessings to you all, my friends...

Blessed by a miracle...

Hello all.  I wanted to devote this blog entry to my wonderful husband, Zach.  Last night, after a delightful night out, just the two of us, I reflected on how very fortunate I am to have Zach in my life.

For those of you who don't know, Zach is fortunate to be alive.  He was born 3 months premature and spent his first weeks in the NICU.  His twin, John David, did not survive.  By some miracle, Zach did, and I am so grateful.  I am grateful for my miracle, my healthy, happy, crazy, funny, smart, wise, and loving miracle.  I can not imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have this man in my life.  I know for sure, I wouldn't be half the woman I am today without him.  Thank you Lord for blessing my life and countless others with this man.

I hope Zach enjoyed his birthday.  It was a low key affair, no presents, no grand celebration.  Last night we had our date night, and even though it wasn't exciting by any means, it was calm and quiet.  Thankful for Wesley kids who are willing to babysit!  Today was a busy day for Zach.  We had church, then Zach had to prepare for a hike up "Aggie" Mountain with Wesley.  Unfortunately, rain kept them from hiking so they chose to worship at the Wesley instead.  Soon after that we hosted the Wesley Leadership Christmas Party at our house with "Methodist" burgers and a cake I baked for Zach.  They are a great group and I hope everyone enjoyed it, I know we did.

I also hope that Zach knows how much he is loved. Loved by me and by his children.  Zoe is certain that the sun sets and rises on her daddy, and what a great daddy he is.  May we never take him for granted.

LOVE YOU ZACH!!

Do you hear that? Silence!

I don't know about everyone else, but life has been crazy around here! Zach has been super busy with work, having many more meetings and other activities than he has had before.  Many nights he is not home when I put the kids to bed.  We are hoping that soon we will get used to some kind of schedule.  Thank goodness for Fridays off!

We have had much difficulty in finding doctors here in Las Cruces.  Zach spent most of his time Thursday calling doctors, clinics, and people we know here to see if they could recommend a doctor for us.  We got a doctor for the kids (the wife of a board member) even though they weren't accepting new patients and got well visits scheduled for October (the soonest they could get in).  No such luck for us.  Thursday afternoon was spent in the ER to see about some stomach pains I had been having.  The diagnosis is a probable ulcer and I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist on Wednesday.  Thankful that we had someone to call that afternoon to come and get the kids so they didn't have to sit there with me (though they are no strangers to an er unfortunately).

Saturday was Zachs and mine anniversary. Six years! Doesn't sound so long but I have a hard time remembering my life before Zach.  We had a Wesley student come sit for the kids while we went to a movie and out to dinner.  It was a great day.  I couldn't love my family more!

Sunday my parents stopped by for a quick visit on their way home from Arizona.  Even though Zach had to work we enjoyed their visit.  Noah was so sad to see his Weazer and Riley leave Monday morning that I didn't think he would ever stop crying.

Monday we had some friends over for a cookout and a friendly game of Mexican Train.  Good times were had by all.

Even among the chaos that is our life, it is so easy to see how much we are blessed.  Sending prayers out to a wonderful family I love as they are anticipating answers tomorrow....

Fall is here!!

Hey guys! I hope everyone is doing well! We have been great and busy as usual. We had a great weekend. It started off Friday. I was hope sick and Zach got to be my substitute. He seemed to enjoy himself and I appreciate the fact that now he knows what my days are like. He's such a great husband. Saturday we had Karate and then went to Grams and Granddads to see their new baby donkey. Zoe enjoyed seeing the baby. Then we went and watched our "Aunt" Erin march in the Plainview Marching Festival. She and the rest of the band did a great job. I'll attach some pictures for you to enjoy.

Here's Zach and Zoe. Zoe is doing one of her new favorite activity which is flashing her belly. Zach hopes she grows out of it very soon.

Paige, Grams, Zach and Zoe looking at the donkeys.

Granddad is allowed to get close to the new donkey, only one day old in this picture. So cute.

Zoe enjoyed it.

Zoe loved watching the band and hearing the music.

And here's Aunt Erin, flag girl on the left. Zoe loves her Ebai.

Park

It's a great blessing that Zach and I both have Fridays off together, especially since we work most of the day Sunday. Today we decided to take our lunch to the park and play a while. We didn't stay too long because it was a scorcher and Zoe was needing her nap. But here are a few pics that I enjoy.

Here is Zoe eating her lunch. She's such a good eater.

Here is Zoe looking at a puppy that was hanging around.

Here's Zoe just hanging out. ( Sorry couldn't help it!)

Zoe and Daddy

Zoe and Mommy.