Journey Together

A few years ago, when Zach was finalizing his decision to become a Pastor in the United Methodist Church, and going through the steps to make that decision a reality, we had lunch with a, at the time, dear friend.  It was during this lunch that I was told by this friend that I was not cut out to be a Pastor's wife.  I was told that I could very likely hinder my husband's ministry unless I chose to change who I was.  This conversation, which was less a conversation and more an attack (in my honest opinion), left me feeling many things.  Anger, indignation, betrayal, and, most of all, insecurity.  It was the last thing I needed to hear at this point in our lives.  We had already accepted a job at a new church, in a new town, things were already in motion, there was no going back now.

I returned home from that lunch and promptly cried buckets of tears.  Zach and I discussed, at length, whether or not we thought this friend was correct in his assessment of me.  My dear husband reassured me repeatedly that I would not hinder his career in anyway, which, I'll admit, I only half believed.  I didn't choose this life.  I married a man who was going to school for business.  When we got married we both only worked part time at the church, helping with the youth.  There was a time when Zach worked full-time in sales, both of us thinking that this was his future.  I never would have thought that God would call him into full time ministry.

Since that afternoon three years ago, I have met many Pastor spouses.  Each one has taught me that there is no one way to live this life.  Each one is different in personality, in gifts, in weaknesses.  Each one has a different opinion of their role in the church and in the ministry of their pastor spouse.  I've been told by more experienced spouses that I have permission to choose my own path.  True, not everyone in the church we are sent to will like me, not everyone will agree with my chosen path, regardless of what it is.  You simply can not please everyone all of the time.

Still, with this knowledge and with these great mentors in my own life, the insecurity persists.  I have not been able to rid myself of the voice of that friend, hearing it in the back of my mind each and every day.  There have been moments, times of despair and uncertainty, that I lament "I am not cut out for this life!"  I cry out to God,"How could Zach be so obviously called to ministry, to being a Pastor, and I am not called to go with him?!"  These moments occur more often than I would like to admit.

However, last week I was able to go to the Annual Conference of the New Mexico United Methodist Churches.  This was my first time at Conference and I quite enjoyed it, despite the long business sessions.  There was a special speaker at Conference, Pastor Jorge Acevedo, who said quite a few things that was life giving to me.  One such thing was, "Comparison is not of the devil, it is the devil."  I would imagine that all of us are guilty of comparing ourselves with others.  It doesn't usually lead to anything good.  Pastor Acevedo had many good things to say, particularly at the Ordination Service.  I found myself getting inspired, inspired to do ministry.  Inspired to do ministry with my husband, excited and emotional, thinking of the day when he will finally be ordained.  Then, like a light turning on, sitting in that service, it occurred to me.  I am called to this life.  Sure, my calling looks nothing like Zach's, and it looks nothing like the spouses of other Pastor's, but it's a calling all the same.  I know I help Zach do ministry when I am at home with the kids feeling useless.  I help when he can go where he needs to go, do what he needs to do, and he knows that I have things handled at home.  I help when I support him unconditionally, when he knows I am willing to go with him wherever his ministry takes him.  I must stand firm in the faith that God has called all of us, in some fashion, and I must not be tempted to compare my calling with others.  I also must remember that as we continue along our paths, the view will change but the destination is unwavering.

I can not promise that I will not have moments of insecurity, of doubt, of worry, moments where I compare myself with someone else.  I can not promise that everyone will like me or agree with my choices.  I can only continue on the best that I know how, hand in hand with my husband, in the full and comforting embrace of our Father, enveloped in the unending and unwavering grace that is offered to us all.

May I please offer a plea to all my church going friends, laity and clergy both, to stop comparing, but to love one another, encourage and uphold the calling in one another, even if it looks different that what we expect or desire?  Thank you for reading.  It means more to me than you know.

What a friend...

I'm sitting at the dining room table, catching up on some work and trying to savor my cup of coffee.  There's no school today and I am steeling myself for the inevitable nonstop bickering between my kids.  The two oldest are up, playing in Noah's room until they migrate into their playroom.  I hear Noah, frustrated with the drawing activity on his Leapster, proclaim, "Zoe! I'm trying to draw you a Zebra but I just cant do it!"  You see, little brother knows his sister's favorite animal has always been a Zebra.  He's trying so hard to do something nice for her.  Zoe, with patience that would rival most adults, responds like this,"That's okay.  Maybe you should try to draw something you know how to draw, like a dog.  You draw great dogs."  Just like that, Noah's frustration melts away.

I marvel at the relationship my kids have with one another.  They bicker so much.  They yell, fight, sometimes hit (always an "accident" of course), and make one another cry more than any two people I know.   However, they also comfort, soothe, encourage, and support one another in ways that warm this mom's heart.  The picture below is one of my all time favorites.  I had been trying to get a good picture of the kids in their Fourth of July outfits.  Zoe was not feeling it.  She was upset and frustrated about something I obviously didn't understand.  Noah probably didn't understand either.  However, his reaction to his sister was different than that of an aggravated mother.  He grabbed her in a huge, genuine hug, and her reaction was just picture perfect.  With that act, that love he showed her, Noah was able to turn the day around for all of us.

Our church is in the middle of a sermon series on friendship so I've been thinking a lot about what makes a good friend.  Honestly folks, good friends are hard to come by.  There aren't always very many people with whom we feel completely comfortable around.  People that take us as we are, "wart's and all" and love us unconditionally.  People who are honest and loving at the same time.

Zach and I understand that the path we've chosen in life, being a pastor in the United Methodist Church, means that we will move probably more often than we will like.  I worry sometimes about how this lifestyle will affect our children.  Seeing moments like I witnessed this morning, my kids truly being each other's best friends, eases my heart somewhat.  I think we would all consider ourselves blessed indeed to have a friend like they have found in one another.

May we also take the time to consider, "How have I been a friend to someone lately."  What act of genuine love and support have you shown to someone recently?  I know I could take a lesson from my kids today.

Blessings to you and yours, thanks for reading.

Sometimes Life is hard...

This is Zoe's last week of preschool.  Wednesday is her last day and she is very ready to begin Kindergarten.  She is having a problem dealing with the fact that she will no longer be going to Bright Beginnings.   She came home from school today already in trouble from her father.  Apparently she didn't want to leave school and shared this feeling quite forcefully with Zach.  He did not appreciate that so much and punished her to her room as soon as they got home.

Knowing she was upset and guessing at the reason, I went in to talk to her.  I pulled her in my lap and she immediately began crying.  "I'm going to miss my friends so much! I'm never going to see them again!" she wailed.  I know her pain.  I sympathize with her.  Smoothing her sweaty hair back and wiping away her tears I told her,"People enter our lives for a reason.  If people are supposed to be in our lives we must trust in God that He will find a way to make it happen."

People have entered my life and left my life.  I have moved miles away from the people I care about.  I have to have faith that God has a plan for me and knows what people are meant for that plan.  Regardless of where I am I must believe that He has a way to ensure the right people are in my life.

As I stated in my previous post I have been giving a lot of thought to my ministry.  Anyone can have a ministry in my opinion, you don't have to have a job at a church or be a Minister.  People think that if they have a desire to serve God then they must go to seminary.  That's simply not true and if more people realized this then I think the state of our churches would be better.  We would have less ineffective pastors and more involved congregants, but I digress.  

We never know when we will depart this world, when today will be our last.  Can you feel comfortable with saying,"If I die tomorrow, I know that I leave this world a better place for having been in it."

St. Francis of Assisi is quoted as saying: "Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that have received--only what you have given."

I hope and pray that when I leave this place at least one person can say I had a positive impact on them.  Shouldn't that be what we all strive for? 

I will not be on Facebook much for a while.  If you need to contact me please message me or send me a text.  Peace be to you.

New Pictures

So things are still super busy but life is good. Zoe is so much fun and even though I work more and we have more stuff going on I feel like we are spending more quality time as a family. I'm adding more photos some from my birthday that was at the end of August and some of Zoe last week at the church in Zach's office.

Here we are at Chilis for a surprise dinner with the Loewens and the Shricks.

Here's my free chocolate milkshake. Yummy.

Here's Zoe playing with her phone. She was talking to puppy. It was very serious.

And here's Zoe picking out which wii game to play. She likes wii.

Golfing

Yesterday we went golfing. It was...interesting?? No, it wasn't too bad but for the life of me I can not imagine why anyone would choose to spend 4 1/2 hours in the hot sun hitting a little ball around. I guess I will never be a golfer. We went to the Tulia Country Club. What an experience that was. I mainly drove around the golf cart which was fun. Our friends Nathan and Ashlee Loewen and Zach and Brittaney Shrick went with us. Zoe stayed with my parents were they must of filled her full of sugar and crack because she was soooo hyper and refused to go to bed until 10:00! Here are a few pictures of our golfing day:

Here's my swing. Notice the ball still on the tee? Yeah, I'm so not good.

The girls: Me, Ashlee and Brittaney.

The boys: Zach, Zach and Nathan.

Ashlee and one of the many turkeys on the golf course. Only in West Texas people!