Saturday, February 11, 2012

What doesn't destroy us...

I hate to complain via the internet but it's been a rough week for me.  I've been struggling with back pain for over a year after injuring it trying to move to New Boston and have been visiting a chiropractor twice weekly for a while now.  After every visit I hurt more and after my visit on Tuesday was laid up in bed for three days.  That's a hard thing for anyone, especially one with two small children who, because when it rains it pours, have both gotten sick.  Zach has been able to be home a little more and that has been most helpful.  However, he's gone today, and although I am feeling better, today is very difficult for me.  You see, it was this time last year, as I was waiting for Zach to come home from Upwards basketball so we could meet some friends in Texarkana for lunch, that I started bleeding and would soon learn the pregnancy I had been 10 weeks into was ending.  In the quiet moments yesterday and today I am taken back a year ago and the next thing I know my face is wet with tears.  I mourn that life that never was and the dreams I had that never came to realization.

It's a difficult time and I certainly wish Zach was home with me instead of on yet another Wesley trip, but I know this too shall pass.  I will get through this day, just like I was able to get through the days that I endured a year ago, consumed with pain, more intense than I've ever experienced.  I will hold my children tight, tend to their needs and try not to think about the sibling they will never know.

The Lord has blessed me, and He will carry me through today, just as He has every other day.  Thanks be to Him...

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Desperately Seeking Sanity...

There's no doubt that I love my children.  However, there are days where it takes extra effort to enjoy them.  Anyone with me?

I know that Zach and I are hard on the kids.  We expect a lot from them and I find myself constantly having to remind myself of their ages.  Zoe is four, she requires some slack.  I also know that they are capable of a lot and without being pushed to be better versions of themselves, they will never realize their full potential.  Some of you may be thinking right now, "Gee, that's harsh," and you may be right.  However, I want my kids to be polite, helpful, loving children with a servant's heart and without pushing them towards that, it will not happen.

That being said, they aren't perfect.  Noah has apparently entered the "terrible two" stage prematurely and some days are extremely trying.  This little man has a fury that can not be equaled, except maybe by Hulk himself.  I never quite know these days what will incur his wrath, but when it happens, hold on tight.  Zoe would throw fits but she was never the one to throw herself on the ground and flail about, without care to who or what may be in striking distance, so this is new territory for us.  So, yes, there are days, that even though I love that I am able to stay at home with my kids, I long for someone to come and relieve me of my job.  Lately, Zach has been away more than usual and I have been about to pull my hair out.  There have been moments that I definitely feel my sanity ebbing and have to remove myself from my kids company.

So, with all of these trying times I realize that I have to make the effort to enjoy being around my loving children.  For example, the other night Zach was once again absent from our home, leaving me the task of feeding, bathing and getting the children ready for bed.  Lately, bed time has taken on a new level of effort, and frankly, I was tired of the battle. I decided to just let the kids entertain each other and wear one another out, until they were just so exhausted they begged to be put to bed (snigger).  What ensued was one of the more entertaining evenings I have ever experienced with my children.  Zoe took it upon herself to teach her brother some of her favorite songs (she really is a great big sister) and from there, it became quite the little production.  They sang, they danced, they dressed up...pure hilarity.  At one point, Zoe came out with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and brandishing a hanger saying,"I have a sword and a cape. I'm SHEERA!"  If you feel so inclined you are welcome to wander over to my facebook page and watch the video snippet I caught of this evening.

Yes, parenting is hard, especially with little ones.  There will be days that make you question this notion of procreating.  There will be moments when you would be willing to give a weeks income for someone to please give you a few hours of quite alone time.  And there will be days that you ask your husband, with only a hint of jest, if you could list your son for sale on Craigslist.  In those moments I suggest to you to make the effort to put down those tasks you are constantly being interrupted from, and simply enjoy your little bundles.  It may take some effort but in the end it will be truly rewarding.

Praying you see your blessings today.