Reflections

 It's been so long since I sat myself down to write something that I almost don't know where to begin.  I imagine most people forgot I even had a "blog" (is it even considered a blog anymore if you haven't written in it for years?).  There have been moments throughout the past few years that I thought to myself that I should sit down and pen those thoughts to paper, so to speak, but have either lacked the discipline, motivation, or thought that some things were better left unsaid.  So here I find myself, not knowing for sure what has made this moment any different than before. 

I read over my last blog post, in which I discussed our big move to Montana, and all the emotions that went with that transition.  Now, here I am again, months after another move, this time to Wyoming, having experienced many of the same emotions, only now coupled with this year being, well, it being 2020 (you guys feel me).  

This morning I have spent time working on my calendar.  Every year I create a calendar on Shutterfly with all our favorite photos from the year before.  I will hang it in my kitchen and use it almost as a journal, recording important, and not so important, moments that happen.  I always get nostalgic when I am looking through all the photos I have taken but this year I felt something akin to sadness.  Why?

Just a couple weeks ago I was having a conversation about this year with someone.  She made a comment that was something like,"I haven't done a thing this year!"  Of course we did acknowledge the big election which was...something. And, of course, I understand what she was saying, many people didn't have a lot of activity happen.  Most of us dutifully stayed at home, we quarantined, we refrained from travel.  However, that doesn't mean things didn't happen to you.

As I looked over my year in picture form, starting with January, I noticed many things.  I had literally no pictures for the month of January.  For one short moment I questioned this.  How can I have no pictures? Me? Then it hit,  I was in mourning.  I don't know that I could tell you anything that happened that month.  I remember going to therapy once a week, and that's about it.  February was better, we took the kids skiing and being in the outdoors, even in the snowy cold, did (and still does) wonders for my soul.  Spring came and with it so did COVID and the shutdown.  We tried our best to make the best of this new reality we were living.  We powered through at-home learning, played outside when weather permitted, did our best to celebrate three birthdays in the most meaningful ways we could, and spent a lot of time as a family.  Man, it was hard.  In the midst of all that, we also learned we were moving.

Moving was NOT on our radar.  It was scary, and sad, and frustrating, and exciting all at the same time.  We had to buy a house!  We had to buy a house a state away in the middle of a pandemic!  We had to say our goodbyes, pack, and try to get in as much of Montana as we could, in the midst of a pandemic.  I wouldn't recommend it.  Once more, as with every move we have made, we had to face the hurt and pain of being immediately "removed" from peoples lives.  We had people immediately unfriend us on facebook, others just ignored us if we say them in public.  Others were much more upfront, and told us how angry they were, and still others, said they were angry but understood.  Even now, months later, I mourn those relationships.  It's never easy to move.  All of our moves have been difficult, but as I looked at the pictures, capturing our last moments in Montana, I grieve all over again.  Zach and I both have found that we call Montana "home."  I also grieve what we had, the memories we made, the adventures we went on.  It's another byproduct of this year, our adventures have all but screeched to a halt.  Those activities we did, the places we visited during our time in Montana were meaningful for a number of reasons.  They helped us heal from a bad situation in New Mexico.  They helped distract us from not being able to help out with our families in Texas.  They gave us moments of clarity and cleansing when the world became too much to bear.

Now, I don't want you to think the move was all bad.  It hasn't been.  Wyoming has its own beauty and we have lots of plans to get out and adventure more when the world calms down.  The church here has been very welcoming, even with all that is working against us.  The kids love their schools and have found ways to get involved and fit in.  We love our new home and the fact that it is ours. We have found joy here in many ways.  

But still, sadness hits today.  I know I'm not alone in mourning what once was.  I think it's okay to have those emotions, especially this year.  I am grateful for each of you, for allowing me to process through those feelings.  So often we force ourselves to push through, without proper reflection and commiserating. Im a big believer in feeling your emotions and then choosing not to dwell in the bad ones.  This year has been harder in practice, I've lost my mother, I've lost my home, I've lost relationships, but I know I am not alone.  This year has be wrought with divisions, arguments, political strife, death, illness, anger and so much more.  I hope that for many of us will come to realize that if nothing else, we are not alone in our many emotions. 

Now, I will pack up that sadness and lay it down.  I'm going to find joy and excitement in what is to come for us.  I will find hope in the unknown and peace in the knowing that we are never, ever alone.

Thanks for reading.

Christmas Traditions

It's that time again!  Christmas season has begun.  My Christmas countdown gives us 27 days to go.

As we work to prepare for this holiday, I have been giving a lot of thought towards traditions.  Christmas traditions have always meant so much to me.  Each little act that my family would do would help get me into the Christmas spirit.  There were some traditions from my childhood that I couldn't wait to continue on with my family.  One of these is decorating the tree.  We crank out the Christmas songs, fight with the strands of lights, wondering why only half the strand is working, the kids fight over who gets to put up the Christmas star, and we pull out the ornaments, remembering where and when we got each one, as we take turns hanging them on the tree.  Each year we let the kids pick out new ornaments for the tree.  We also try to get a new ornament from our travels.

I love seeing other people's Christmas trees.  Each family does this in a different way.  Some are like my family, you have a collection of mismatched ornaments that are meaningful in some way to you.  Some families have a tree theme, maybe you have many trees, all with different themes.  Some people have beautifully put together trees with ribbons and balls.  It's all wonderful, no matter how you choose to decorate.

One thing that I didn't anticipate in my youth was that as we get older, as new people are added into the mix, and as things change, traditions will need to be changed as well.  I don't fear change, generally, but messing with my traditions is something different all together.

This year marks the first time in my entire life that I am not sitting at my parents for Christmas dinner.  Our little family of five will be by ourselves this Christmas day and I don't even know what to do.  I tell the kids that we will develop new traditions, a new way of doing Christmas, but as of right now I do not know what that looks like.  I do know, as I have learned from experience, that I can not force new traditions on my kids.  There will be things we do, that I feel like the kids should love, but really I'm doing it more for me than them.

So, help me out friends!  What are somethings that your family does, or has done, that you love, that really put you in the spirit of Christmas?  How have you handled change to your Christmas routine?  How have you explained those changes to your children?

This holiday season will be full of change, full of memories, and full of new experiences, of that I am sure.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of our ornament collection.

Nativity star from Vatican City

Zach and mine's first ornament and Ryann's first ornament.

Penguin family I got when I knew our family was complete.

I love our little handmade ornaments!

I had a picture ornament made this year.  I love how it's nestled between
Iron Man and a bell from the Polar Express!

Zach and I received this little tree on our first Christmas as a married couple.  Zach's grandmother gave it to us as a gift and it has fit perfectly in every home we have shared together, 6 houses!

Growing pains

I'd like to tell you a story.  Before I begin, however, let me give you some background information.

We have been living in our new town, with Zach serving at his new church since the end of June.  In that time, there has been lots of changes and upheaval for our family.  Finding a routine for the kids and I to get in to has been a challenge, and continues to be more than four months into this new life.  Sundays have proven to be the most challenging part of finding our new normal.  There are three services that Zach must be at.  He leaves our house often before 7:00 on Sunday mornings.  Two services are held at one church, one right after the other, with the third being held at another church, in another town, more than twenty minutes away.  What is a preacher's wife and family to do?  Most weeks I try to make it to two of those services, one in each church, though there are times that I just don't have it in me to sit through two services with my three kids so I choose one.  Then of course, there's always the one service, the earliest one, that I have only been to a few times.

Now, on to the story and the purpose of this post:

Not too long ago the kids and I got up to go to the earliest service, the one we have only been to on occasion.  I sat in the front, with the three kids.  I tried to smile at those around me and most people wouldn't even meet my eye.  That's okay, it's early, most of these people have no clue who I am.  The kids are tired, cranky, hot and uncomfortable.  The youngest one is crawling all over me, fidgeting to stay awake, but really wanting to go to sleep.  We make it to the end of the service and I work on gathering the water bottles, church bag, my purse, and loose bulletins.  An older woman walks up to us, she's the first one to talk to us since we walked in the front door.  She goes right up to Noah, who has been upset because of something his sister did or said, and asks him why he didn't stand during the last song, saying, "Is there something wrong with you?"

Noah immediately backs away from her, this stranger whom he has never met.  My six year old has no idea how to respond to this question and chooses to say nothing instead.  The lady glances at me for the first time, asks if its our first visit here and then offers the kids some candy.  I left flabbergasted.  I managed to make it to my car before I broke down into tears.  I went home depressed and feeling like I am the worst mom alive, the worst preacher's wife, a failure.

Now, I understand that I am a sensitive person.  I also admit to reading into things, intentions that weren't ever there.  However, I also know that had I been a visitor I would never go back to that church because of how my kids and I were treated, because of how a few people made me feel, whatever their true intentions were.

I know a lot of my readers are church goers, many of you are leaders in your congregation.  I am begging you to think about how you treat young families, visitors, and anyone else.  Think about how you go about greeting people, how you handle those people who may be "doing it wrong."

I have written before about having kids in church (you can see those here and here).  It's hard, whether you have one or five.  We are trying to teach our kid how to behave in an environment that is often unforgiving of mistakes or missteps.  Our kids are expected to sit quietly, to understand the traditions and routines, to be still, and to be happy.  How are they expected to learn anything without messing up on occasion?

Let me tell you another story:

Another Sunday, and another service finds us once again sitting on the front row, belongings strewn about, but this time we are in another sanctuary, surrounded by different people.  My kids are happy and this creates a new set of challenges.  They want to play, they want to talk, they want to run up and give their daddy a hug.  Ryann, the three year old wants to dance to the music.  Her dress has a twirly skirt and that's amazing and doesn't everyone want to see?  I am exhausted, and frustrated, and once again feeling like I'm failing.  The end of the service comes and I try to gather my wits and belongings without crumbling.  An older woman comes up to me.  Great. Here we go again.  She puts a hand on my arm and says, "I want you to know that we love seeing your kids up here.  I know it can be frustrating for you, but we love it. You are doing a good job of handling them by yourself."

Friends, this is love.  This is what will bring people back, bring people into a relationship.  There was no judgement, just encouragement.

Being a parent is hard.  Being a parent who tries to bring their family to church is hard.  Young families today have so much vying for their attention and time.  Often both parents work full time jobs and Sundays may be the only time for families to spend together.  For them to come spend an hour or more at church is an achievement in itself.  It means they are there because they want to be, whatever reason that may be.  They will often want to keep their family together during that hour of worship, for good reason.  However, there's a good chance that their younger ones are still learning about what church is, and how to behave.  Their parents are likely still learning about how to best handle their little ones while figuring everything out.  Be kind. Be encouraging.  Be helpful.  Love.  Think about your words before you offer any kind of observation or "helpful" advice.  Think about how your words, whatever their intention, may sound to an overwhelmed mother or father.  Think about how your criticisms may sound to that visitor, who doesn't understand or know about "how we do things."  If we expect to have a church in thirty years, we need to practice loving and encouraging more, and criticizing less.

Thoughts? I'd love to hear from you.

What a friend...

I'm sitting at the dining room table, catching up on some work and trying to savor my cup of coffee.  There's no school today and I am steeling myself for the inevitable nonstop bickering between my kids.  The two oldest are up, playing in Noah's room until they migrate into their playroom.  I hear Noah, frustrated with the drawing activity on his Leapster, proclaim, "Zoe! I'm trying to draw you a Zebra but I just cant do it!"  You see, little brother knows his sister's favorite animal has always been a Zebra.  He's trying so hard to do something nice for her.  Zoe, with patience that would rival most adults, responds like this,"That's okay.  Maybe you should try to draw something you know how to draw, like a dog.  You draw great dogs."  Just like that, Noah's frustration melts away.

I marvel at the relationship my kids have with one another.  They bicker so much.  They yell, fight, sometimes hit (always an "accident" of course), and make one another cry more than any two people I know.   However, they also comfort, soothe, encourage, and support one another in ways that warm this mom's heart.  The picture below is one of my all time favorites.  I had been trying to get a good picture of the kids in their Fourth of July outfits.  Zoe was not feeling it.  She was upset and frustrated about something I obviously didn't understand.  Noah probably didn't understand either.  However, his reaction to his sister was different than that of an aggravated mother.  He grabbed her in a huge, genuine hug, and her reaction was just picture perfect.  With that act, that love he showed her, Noah was able to turn the day around for all of us.

Our church is in the middle of a sermon series on friendship so I've been thinking a lot about what makes a good friend.  Honestly folks, good friends are hard to come by.  There aren't always very many people with whom we feel completely comfortable around.  People that take us as we are, "wart's and all" and love us unconditionally.  People who are honest and loving at the same time.

Zach and I understand that the path we've chosen in life, being a pastor in the United Methodist Church, means that we will move probably more often than we will like.  I worry sometimes about how this lifestyle will affect our children.  Seeing moments like I witnessed this morning, my kids truly being each other's best friends, eases my heart somewhat.  I think we would all consider ourselves blessed indeed to have a friend like they have found in one another.

May we also take the time to consider, "How have I been a friend to someone lately."  What act of genuine love and support have you shown to someone recently?  I know I could take a lesson from my kids today.

Blessings to you and yours, thanks for reading.

FAQs, Bechtold style

Zach and I recently returned from a wonderful trip to celebrate our 10 year anniversary that will happen in September.  We have dubbed it our "tiniversary" since tin is the traditional gift for 10 years.  We have received alot of questions from friends and strangers about this trip that I thought I would address here.

1.  How could you afford to do this trip?  Or, the more common but less of a question: "Must be nice to be able to afford it."  Since Zach and I have been married we have only taken a handful of vacations.  Nearly all have been baseball related and the longest one we took was for three days.  We usually stay in questionable hotel accommodations and we watch every penny we spend.  Since we started planning our honeymoon, which was to Santa Fe, we agreed that for our ten year anniversary we would try and do something big.  So, about two years ago, we started planning.  We put back nearly every extra dollar we received, either through an unexpected job, or money we received at Christmas and birthdays.  In September we officially booked the cruise and we were able to make payments.  Our flights, which we also booked early, we used our tax refund to purchase.  That, coupled with my incredible "cheapness" enabled us to be able to afford this wonderful trip.  It wasn't luck, it was work and conscious effort on our parts to make sacrifices to be able to afford it.

2.  How could you leave your kids for that long?  It was hard, trust me.  I am grateful to have a wonderful set of in-laws who were able to watch our kids for that long.  There were many moments during our trip that I was racked with guilt and worry for leaving my kids.  We were also unable to be in contact with them much which made it harder.  However, with everything that our daily lives encompass: school, work, church, kids, family, etc., we needed this time together.  I loved the moments and experiences we were able to share together, Zach and I.  So many memories were made that are priceless.  Also, for someone like me, who has never been out of the country, I treasured this experience with travel.  I was able to check many things off my bucket list that at times, I was quite emotional about it.  I kept thinking, what if we had kept putting this trip off, to when we thought it was "more convenient" and maybe missed having this experience at all?

3.  What was your favorite part of the trip?  This is a tough one.  I asked Zach this question and he said that his was visiting Vatican City, more specifically St. Peter's Basilica.  He said, "It's amazing to think I'm standing on the same ground where many Popes have walked.  Where Peter was crucified."

There's Zach's feet, in the purple chucks, standing where the Pope has walked.

No doubt about it, that is cool.  As for the Basilica, no words can describe the beauty of that place.  You walk in and your jaw drops.  You think you know what to expect, but you just cant.

Seriously.

For me, it's hard to pin down the best moment.  Rome was awesome.  Malta and Sicily were amazingly beautiful.  I got to walk on the beach in Corsica.  The ship was lovely, the service was perfect, and the food divine.  What's not to love?

4.  What was your least favorite part of the trip?  Hands down it would be trying to find the hotel in Barcelona.  Here's a tip, don't try to save money when trying to get around a place like Barcelona, just go for the cab.  We went with a bus then the metro. Never again.  Taxi all the way.

5.  What cruise line did you go with?  We went with Royal Caribbean and I would highly recommend it.  We were on the Vision of the Seas which isn't a huge ship but large nonetheless.  The service was impeccable and we seriously have no complaints about anything about the ship.  

I mean, two desserts each!  What's not to love??

6.  Would you do it again? YES.  In fact, we would do this exact same cruise again.  There's so much to see in this world and a day at each of the ports was simply not enough.  The only thing we would change is we would like some friends or family to go with us and share the experience.  Not to mention, sometime our "selfies" were a little difficult to pull off and some willing hands to help us out with pictures would be nice.

See what I mean, that bleached out part behind us is the Trevi Fountain.

I'm going to begin now to save those dollars.  Who wants to join us?

Sunset view from the ship.

Ramblings of a Simple Mom

For those of you who know me, and for those of you who have read this blog before, you probably know that I have pretty definite opinions on a lot of things.  Sometimes my opinions are appreciated, most of the time they are not.  I'm slowly learning to become okay with that, working hard to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

I'm also a mom. And a Christian. And, for several years, I was an employee in the church.  You put all three of those together and it creates a combination of experiences that make it hard for me to keep my mouth shut in certain areas.  


It's difficult being a parent.  Social media has made it more difficult.  I constantly see posts from other moms, on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, or what have you, with activities they are doing with their child, or are planning to do with their child.  I have been guilty of thinking to myself, "I'm a terrible mother.  Most days we just are trying to make it to bedtime without loosing it."  I don't believe I'm alone in that.  The other day I came across a post on Facebook that was something like "50 activities to keep your 1 year old entertained."  My first thought was "I'm supposed to be entertaining my one-year old?"  This thought was followed by a flash of mom guilt.  Then I looked at my baby, toddling around the house, pulling all the magnets off the refrigerator, and decided she was doing a pretty good job entertaining herself.

It's considered a bad word in our house to say that you are "bored."  When I was growing up, my mom would tell us "Only boring people get bored."  When my seven year old uses that word, which she has learned to not use it often, I immediately give her all sorts of ideas of things she can do to occupy her time: clean her room, read a book, sweep the floors, etc.

When I see posts like the one I referenced above, it frustrates me.  What is with our culture that makes us feel like we need to entertain our kids all the time?  So many kids are growing up, not knowing how to play, to explore, to sit quietly.  As I type this, my four year old is in his room, quietly coloring.  Occasionally we will do a special little project, but I love that he can spend a day entertaining himself.  No mom guilt here.

It's okay for our children to learn to sit quietly.  I posted a link on Facebook this morning to a post entitled "Sunday School is killing the church."  This post discussed the danger of having children in a service separate from the adults, never learning what it means to be a part of the Body.  I have always felt very strongly about this topic.  As a mom, I want my kids there beside me.  I want them to learn the liturgy, to sit still, to listen, things that many of our young adults struggle with.  They will learn, they will form opinions, and hopefully, when they are older, participating in church will be a part of their lifestyle.  Hopefully, they will also learn, that church can be fun, at times, and those times that may not be labeled as "fun" can be very fulfilling.

Thanks for sticking with me through my ramblings.  May you find joy in the simple things.

We all have to deal somehow...

Today was a long day.  It included 3 infants, a crazy three year old, a dog with a foot injury and inability to control his bladder completely, and later, a very excited six year old who was simply bursting to relay to anyone and everyone how completely amazing her day was, oh, about twelve thousand times.  Not a bad day, just a very long one.  I had a conversation with my mother earlier that went like this:

Mom: Your sister got to go home at 2:00 today (because of weather, she's a school teacher).
Me: Yes, I saw that. I considered texting her to say that I got to be home all day but thought she wouldn't appreciate it.
Mom: Probably not.
Me: Although, I imagine that if she spent a few days here taking care of babies she would be eager to return to work.
Mom: She probably would.  I know I would.

Gee...thanks mom.  To be fair, I know my life isn't ideal for many.  That may be why I know so few stay-at-home moms.  It's hard, and not just financially.  I recently read an article about the hardships of staying home all the time.  You can find it here.  What I got from this piece is this: We are trying so hard to be the perfect wife/mother that when we fail, or feel we fail, especially when comparing ourselves to others, we come down so hard on ourselves.  Yes, there are so many blessings to this lifestyle, but the hardships are very real and sometimes we need help, in whatever form we can find.

Zach was home most of the day today, doing homework and getting ready for a banquet tonight at the Wesley.  He was a great help, holding a baby when I just didn't have enough hands or secure places to place one.  Before he left, carting his white elephant gift and fixings for enchiladas, he kissed me on the forehead and said, "Rest if you can. You've worked hard today."  I LOVE that my husband understands that my days are spent busily taking care of my family, and other babies on certain days, and doesn't take it for granted.  I'm blessed by that.

So, here it is the end of the day, the kids are asleep, the house quiet and I finally have time for myself.  I could busy myself wrapping the pile of gifts hiding in our closet or cleaning the house again, a never ending job.  I choose not to.  My sanity and my body demands rest.  For me that means three things.  First, a bubble bath.  Second and third, a cup of Celestial Seasons Sleepytime tea in my favorite mug and my Nook, as I sit propped up on my pillows in my nice warm bed.  Awwww.... A breath of renewal.  The really hard days also may require a Patty Griffin radio station on Spotify.

This bedtime routine is so special to me that I actually wrote a note of appreciation to the Celestial Seasons company, thanking them for contributing to my ability to continue doing what I do.  I got a nice letter in response and a couple of coupons for more tea.  Now I feel convicted to make deliberate efforts to tell others that I appreciate them and the things they do more often.

I love this cup.

Truth be told, I live a blessed life.  I love being home with my children.  I enjoy caring for the other two babies.  I like having the flexibility to pack up and leave town on a Monday, like we did last week.  And lets be honest, if a cup of tea and a book can bring sanity to my day, it's not all that bad.  

Thanks for reading, you are appreciated.  Blessings on your day.

Yep, it's the Spirit Bus, Folks!

It's been a while since I've last written.  It's not for the lack of things going on, that's for sure, but more from the lack of energy or coherent thoughts.  The other day I seriously had trouble remembering my own address.   To say the least, life has been crazy lately.

Of course, everyone's life is a little crazy it seems.  It seems that around here everyone is a little more stressed, a little more exhausted, and a little more frustrated.   There are times I wish to shut my family in the house and hope for the world, and the people in it, to return to normal by morning.  Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and we have to learn to cope.

So, how do you handle the chaos of life?  What helps you deal with the people around you that are just driving you batty?  For me, it's my family.  Interesting that one of my biggest stress makers can also be salvation.  I've been trying really hard to be very conscious of how I react to situations in front of my children.  I'm very intentional about practicing not raising my voice or over reacting in front of my children.  To pat myself on my back I am making great strides in this area.  I'm not completely there yet, but every day I can go without losing it is a victory.

I'm also trying to make every day, especially for Noah, who doesn't get to go out much, something special.  It doesn't always happen, some days I feel we are just trying to survive, but that's my intention anyway.  I want to make the most out of these precious days I have with my kids, because, I know, the time will go by too quickly.

It's in this spirit that we have already begun to celebrate the Christmas season.  Yes, we have already put out some lights on the house, our tree is up and lit (though still awaiting ornaments) and, yes, I have already begun listening to Christmas songs in the car.   We know, with our past experience, that this season passes too fast, and often will come and go without us truly enjoying it.  Every year I have a list of projects and activities to do as a family, and every year the season comes and goes with several of them left undone.  So, we start a little earlier and enjoy it a little longer.

Crazy thing is, people have actually given us criticism for it.  Or, if not us specifically, anyone who gets in the "spirit" a little earlier than is deemed appropriate.  Why does it bother people?  Lately, and I attribute this to those things I said above, people seem to be more negative about things.   I've seen those memes that make fun of those doing the "30 days of Thanksgiving" by accusing them of only being thankful in November.  Why would anyone let the fact that someone chooses to be intentionally thankful bother them??  Shouldn't we be glad that some are choosing to see good things, even if it may only be for 30 days? Isn't one month better than never?

So why get upset about Christmas being seen earlier than Thanksgiving?  Who cares if stores may be doing it to increase profits?  Shouldn't we instead be thankful that, despite intention of others, that some people are going to be a little happier, a little more in the Christmas spirit, a little longer than the month of December?  Why do we let what we perceive to be the intention of others bother us, and instead focus on our reactions?

I guess that's my rant for the day.  Lets worry more about how we act, and less about the motive of others.  Only one of those things do we have any control over.

Now, for a random bit of cuteness, here is little Ryann.  She is six months old already.  Today was her first time riding in the cart like a big girl.  She is growing way too fast!!

And yes, we are in the Christmas aisle....

For Zach...

Well, Father's Day has come and gone but it's never to late for me to take a moment and try to put into writing how wonderful a father my husband is.  If you wish to escape some mushiness feel free to exit this page now.  For those of you remaining, consider yourself warned...

Zach was a young one when we married.  Many would say he was too young, perhaps they would be correct.  I was older, by six years, and was desperate to start a family.  I didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for but my clock was ticking.  We got pregnant a year after our marriage and I prayed earnestly that Zach was up for the task.  I shouldn't of worried, he was more than up for it.

Zoe came along and I could see immediately how much he was in love with her.  She reciprocated and has ever since had him wrapped around her finger.  Zoe is certain that her Daddy hung the moon. 

Noah came along during our most trying days as a family.  Work was leaching the life out of Zach on a daily basis.  One thing about working in ministry, it's never  just a job.  And when/if it does become "just a job" it ceases to be a ministry.  Zach was so preoccupied that I was worried that he had the energy to be a father to another little one.  Once again, Zach rose to the task.  I can't wait to see the relationship between father and son develop over the years, especially living in a house full of girls.

The next few years were a whirlwind.  Zach lived apart from us for a month, we moved twice, and suffered the loss of a little one.  Zach was gone often and money was tight.  It would of been so easy to let the little things, those precious moments that seem so insignficant to adults, but are so precious to children, go by the wayside.  Despite long work hours, Zach still made time for his family. 

Now we have a new precious gift.  Our family is now complete.  As I type this Zach is traveling to Dallas for Bishop's Week, an honor that I couldn't let him pass up.  He hated to leave us, that was clear.  The next week, and the weeks to come, will be difficult, for sure.  We miss Zach when he is gone but the moments we have together are so precious and dear to all of us.

I had hoped to do a special project with the kids as a special Father's Day gift to Zach, but time didn't allow it.  However, today I decided to get some pictures for Zach, to frame and have in his office.  Taking pictures with three kids can be a huge challenge as any parent knows.  I think a got a few good ones and I hope Zach likes them.  I dressed the kids up in their Rockies gear to make it even more special. 

 

 

I hope Zach always knows how much he is appreciated and loved.  We love you!

The best is yet to come...

Well, Ryann has been here for a little over a week and I'm not going to lie, life has been hard.  Living far away from family has made this new baby experience different and a lot more challenging than the other two.  It's easy to take that extra help from family for granted!

Zoe and Noah getting sick, the sickest Zoe has ever been, on top of having a new baby and recovering from surgery, made last week the longest week I have ever experienced.  Nights seemed unending and our minds turned to mush.  Trying to keep Ryann from getting the plague from the other two meant Zach was on throw up detail, bless his heart.  He changed sheets, did laundry, wiped up messes, made trips to the pharmacy, and did Doctor duty.  Thank the Lord that he was able to be home all week!

However, despite the trials of this past week, we have so much to be thankful for!  So far Ryann has avoided getting sick, Praise the Lord.  We only had to stay in the hospital one day, which is unheard of for a c-section, Praise the Lord.  We have a baby who is easily content and so, so precious, Praise the Lord!

It's easy to get overwhelmed, and I admit to more than one occasion where I just had to put my self in time out and "cry it out."  The knowledge that there are people who love us, who have been praying for us, has been incredibly helpful.  It doesn't hurt that I can look down in to the sweetest face and relish in this little gift that we have been so blessed by. 

Ryann at one week.

 

We are still adjusting to this new addition to our family.  Some of us are adjusting better than others.  Noah was asked yesterday if he liked his new baby sister.  He simply said, "No."  Well, at least he's honest folks.  Before Zoe got sick she was always asking to hold Ryann.  She even mastered the jiggling maneuver to calm Ryann down if she started fussing.  She's a great big sister.

 

As for me, I feel like she's always been a part of us.  Our family is now complete...

Lessons in Retreat

As a lot of people who work in ministry do, we live our lives in semesters.  In our house the Spring semester is our hardest time of the year.  Zach is insanely busy at work which means most days the only time he sees our kids is after they are already asleep.  Having lived this life for a while we realized that we need time, in the midst of the chaos, to retreat together as family.   It was a year ago that we booked our weekend away and I had been counting the days.

Last Thursday we loaded up the car, checked Zoe out of school and headed up to Sacramento, NM for a couple of days of fun with the family and (per doctor's orders) some rest and relaxation.  I can proudly say that our agenda was met, with a little help from our Father.  He sent some glorious rain on Friday which kept this accident prone pregnant lady indoors and out of harms way.

Enjoying the beautiful weather.

 

One thing we did do, before the rain began, was take the kids up on a little hike to a place called Serenity Peak.  We took our time heading up and once we got to the top, we just sat on the benches and chatted for a while.  It was so serene (see what I did there?), for a brief moment.

Serenity Peak with the family.

My darling daughter of five years was always such a sweet thing.  We never had to really deal with the terrible toddler years with her, just some stubbornness.  It seems she was storing up all of her past tantrums to unleash on us once she started school.  While she is close to perfection at school, when she comes home its battle royale time at Bechtold Manor.  She chose a moment, coming down from Serenity Peak, to express this, and boy, did she express.

It started with a stumble, which lead to her standing there screaming like she was seriously maimed and refusing to take one step further.  We calmly (at first) told her that she must calm down, her injury was not serious, and she could, in spite of her proclamation that she could never move again, make it down the mountain.  We would take a few steps, turn wait for her, and she would scream bloody murder and take one measly little step.  This continued for a while, even after her announcement that she had to potty "so bad" which, regardless of what a sane person might think, did not result in her choosing to suck it up and start walking.  Finally, when mommy and daddy were close to their breaking point, little brother stepped up to save the day.

Little sweet, almost three year old Noah, looked up the hill at his big sister, screaming like a banshee, and calmly proclaimed, "I'll go get her."  He trucked himself up there, gave his sister a comforting hug, took her by the hand and lead her down the hill to us.  It was the sweetest sight and it humbled me.

As parents Zach and I try to teach our children to have strength, to make wise choices, and to be good examples for others.  Sometimes, in the midst of these lessons we forget that we also need to teach them compassion for others, especially those who may not be receiving compassion from anyone else.

I've previously blogged about how I know I have a weakness when it comes to showing others compassion, as well as allowing myself to receive it from others.  My husband preached a sermon on Sunday, which I didn't get to hear much of (pesky kids :) ) but in which he spoke about how important it is that we always show love to others and allow them to show love to us in return.  It's about humbling ourselves.

Our time in the mountains was indeed refreshing, allowing us to connect again as a family and to rest our bodies, but, as usual, I came away from this time of no distractions, learning a lesson from my little ones.

May you also find time to refresh, rejoice, and perhaps, learn something...

2013! Holla!

I have spent the first of 2013 in bed, watching Big Bang Theory, drinking coffee, and all-in-all enjoying some quiet time.  Zach is playing x-box and the kids are playing nicely together in Zoe's room.  Soon, I will get up and fix lunch, black-eyed peas and ham!

I've been reflecting, not so much on the past year, but instead on what this new year will hold.  Lots of changes are coming up for this Bechtold family.  May will bring the addition to our little family as well as the beginning of Zach's back-to-school endeavor.  In the coming months we will also see what changes come with Zach's path to becoming a local pastor.  Things will never be the same as it is now.  I love that!

As our lives continue to grow and evolve I'm able to see the great promise that comes with change.  I feel confident in God's plan for our family and that brings me comfort.  Times may become difficult this year, but I know we will get through it.  This is our path!

I pray that each of you will also see God's promise in change, for in it, we all will truly grow...

Taking Back Christmas

Last year I wrote a blog about how difficult it can be to actually enjoy the Christmas season (take a gander here if you want).  Life was so busy and hectic with all the commitments we had made for ourselves that joy was hard to find.  This year I made a vow to myself that this family would simplify things and give ourselves the gift of time.  Time to relax and enjoy one another as a family and time to appreciate the holiday.

Things became a little derailed when I became sick for three weeks but I am on the mend now and back on track.  I'm thankful now more than ever that we opted out of some activities we would normally of done.  I have found that by choosing only the most important activities to be a part of or to host, that those things we are doing have more meaning.  I appreciate the holiday parties we have chosen to do more than last year because it's not "just another thing on the list." 

This year we have already watched several Christmas movies as a family.  We are able to do our advent calendar everyday.  We have days that are free coming up to make Christmas cookies and ornaments as a family.  Those school Christmas programs are actually anticipated because they are not conflicting with other activities.  We find that even with all the things we have planned to do, we still have time for Zach to go play golf or for me to enjoy some quiet time.  By simplifying our Christmas we have freed up funds to give to those in need.  Yes people, we have found a way to take back Christmas!

Things aren't perfect.  We will always have our obligations around this time and I know that I have been judged by some by opting our family out of some activities, but, in the end what really matters is that we have had the opportunity to enjoy what we have without longing for what we don't.

What are you doing to take back Christmas this year? 

From our family to yours, have yourself a very merry Christmas.

Changes...

I may be part of a minority who actually likes change.  I find it refreshing and needed more often than not.  It may be a little scary but, with my experiences, it can also bring so many blessings.

We are looking at changes here in our world.  Zach is looking at making some changes with his education that will take the next several years to complete.  Scary? Yes, but so worth it.

We also have another change happening come May...

Scary? Yes, but oh, what a blessing.  To quote my delighted daughter, "This is like, the most amazing thing evah!"

Prayers appreciated.

Where's your sparkle?

I often find myself in need of a certain reminder, things aren't usually nearly as bad as I think they are.

Those moments that I find myself incredibly discouraged with work are eased when I am able to clearly see that, it spite of it all, things could be worse.  When I am able to make myself see that, I am also able to see all the blessings.

The same goes for parenthood.   It's no secret, with two young children with two strong personalities, that the going gets tough sometimes.  I've made countless phone calls to my mom where the first words out of my mouth are, "Your grandchildren!"  It helps me to hear her chuckle, even if I don't completely appreciate it at the time, and realize, these are the moments that are few and far between.  These are the moments that I won't remember a year from now.  I have a great family, I should never take them for granted.

It helps to have someone to vent to.  I am lucky that when it comes to work and ministry issues, I have a great pastor/friend that will allow me to come to his office and "download."  I am lucky that my husband doesn't mind me crying on his shoulder when I just don't know what else to do.  I am lucky that my mother is able to bring my back down to reality when my kids are driving me batty.
I am lucky.  I am blessed.

I am also lucky that these wonderful people around me, my kids who depend on me, my family that supports me, do not allow me to wallow in the "poor me's."   I am not afforded the luxury to wallow too long in whatever woes I feel are irrepressible, and instead, am encouraged to be proactive about the things I can change and accepting of the things I cannot.  

Bechtold News:
Zoe is LOVING school, which is no surprise, she's always loved school.  She has gotten in trouble for talking, which is also no surprise.  I had a dear woman at church ask me the other day if "Zoe was born talking."  YES! she was. 

Noah has started back two mornings a week at preschool.  He's also enjoying it, and only cries a little when we leave him.   The past two weeks he has been in bed before 7:00, if he makes it that long.  It's hard work being such an active little guy.

Zach has started back in gear at Wesley and is as busy as ever, and as exhausted as ever.  Even with how tired he is, I know he is so happy.  He is so fortunate to do what he loves and get paid for it!

I have been busy with trying to get our family into some sort of schedule.  I am getting back into our "School" youth schedule along with starting a Life Group at church and volunteering weekly at Zoe's school.  I love that I am able to do these things. 

I will leave you with a quote from the bedtime story I was reading Zoe tonight, from The Very Fairy Princess:  "Even a fairy princess needs a break, to keep her sparkle from sagging!"

Do what you need to do, to help you keep your sparkle!

Oh Barney...

Gut check...

The other day I took the kids to the doctor for Noah's well-visit.  On the "well" side of the waiting area there was one other mom and her daughter who appeared to be around three years old.  My kids immediately went for the basket of books and each brought me one to read, so we took turns.  I noticed that little girl was interested in the story so I read a little louder, drawing an annoyed glance from her mother.  The girl then went and got a book and took it to her mother, who this entire time was busy on her phone.  The mother read one page and went back to doing whatever it was on her phone.  The little girl just sat there with the open book in her hands looking at her mother until the nurse called them back.  No lie, it kinda broke my heart.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I have used technology to escape the pressures of motherhood.  There are times I get a little annoyed at my kids for demanding something of me when, frankly, I just want to check facebook, read this article, check a score, etc.  Then I get a reality check and feel shame for placing all those things, which are so unimportant, before the needs of my family.  What are we teaching our kids?

I came across an article claiming that American kids are found to be the most spoiled kids in the world.  No shock there.  It's easy to see that kids today are completely overindulged and spoiled.  What shocked me, and perhaps it shouldn't of, was that in the comments to this article I guestimate that 9 out of 10 commenters, mainly mothers, admitted that they spoiled their children.  They also admitted that they will continue to spoil their kids.  One commenter passed judgment on another saying that anyone giving their three year old chores was cruel.  Another stated that the guilt she felt for working long hours led to her spoiling her child and buying her whatever she wanted.

Wow people! What values we are teaching our children!  Not only do we see what we are doing is wrong, we continue to do it!  There is always a way we can justify our behavoir.   That justification we do just inhibits us from bettering ourselves and being better examples for the kids.

There are many directions I could go with this but I'll stop there.  I think you get what I'm trying to say.  In short, give your kids what really matters, you.  When they grow up and (hopefully) leave your home, they will not be lamenting over the lack of gifts, toys, gadgets they received as a child.  Instead, they will realize how very blessed they were to have you as a parent.

Blessings to you and yours today....I'm going to go enjoy mine now...

Here is a link to the blog that took me to the above referenced article.

Memories made...

Yesterday morning I had great plans for our day.  Funny thing about kids, they don't care about your plans. 

Zach got a bug in him that he needed to get a new pillow so we decided to head to the mall, grab lunch there, and then go rent a movie from Red Box.  We got to the mall and was picking out a pillow when Noah decided to throw a monster 2 year old tantrum.  Moments earlier he had been smiling and laughing, even prompting an older woman to walk by and tell us what a little gentleman he was and how she could just snatch him up.  He began screaming and before I knew it he was running down the aisle.  I leave Zach and Zoe to check out and begin the chase.  I literally chased that little monster around the entire store, all while he was screaming as loud as his little lungs could allow.  Finally I catch up to him and he goes boneless. After struggling for a few minutes I am able to wrangle him into my arms and he continues to fight me and scream.  I am beyond frustrated.  I go and grab Zoe from Zach, who is still in line to check-out, and announce we are headed to the car (much to the relief of every person in the store, I'm sure).  I see the woman who commented on wanting to take Noah with her and she wont meet my eye.  At this point she could of made me a very reasonable offer and I would of been tempted.

This guy...

We get in the car and once Zach gets there I tell him that I have reached my limits and it would be better to just go home and abandon all of our plans.  Noah continues to scream until we pull into our neighborhood, where he becomes quite pleasant once again.  Sigh...

We put the kids down for naps and crash out in front of the tv.  At this point I am wary of continuing on with the plans I had for a family movie night.  The patience I was forced to exercise in the mall has taken it's toll on me.  However, one look at my sweet daughter playing quietly changes my mind.  Plan on!

I have seen on Pinterest, in a couple of places actually, the idea to create a drive-in movie experience in your living room.  You can see one here and how far the idea can be taken.  We decided to keep it simple.

Zoe and I went to the garage and selected two big boxes, took them to the living room, and set about decorating them.  Zoe LOVED this and commented several times about how she was "just so happy."  Zach even got in the spirit and helped Zoe while I decorated Noah's box, as he was sleeping off the crankiness.

Zoe decorates her chick-mobile.

Zoe wanted her car to be a "girly" car and only pink and purple colors were allowed.  She drew windows on the inside of her box and clouds in the windows.  After the wheels were glued on she went and grabbed blankets and pillows and we made her "car" as comfy as possible.  When Noah woke up we all went to Walgreens for junk food and a movie.  Zoe decided the perfect movie snacks were popcorn, M&Ms, and Sprite.  I also grabbed a package of cookies to balance everything out.

All in all it was a great evening.  Noah loved sitting in his car as much as sister did.  They both enjoyed the movie and went to bed full of sugar.

Notice the M&M beard.

I'm glad that, even though my day didn't go as planned, I decided to continue on with this idea.  This past week I read an article (here) about a little baby with days to live.  As a memorial to this baby, his parents requested that parents everywhere serve banana splits for dinner to their kids.  In other words, give their kids a moment to remember, even if it's not healthy.  It's a way to enjoy the moment and not take any day for granted.  I must admit that was my inspiration for this evening of junk food, tv, and cardboard cars.

At the end of the day the tantrum at the store seemed trivial.  These moments at the end, the simple pleasures of a evening at home with my beautiful family, that's what will stick with us. 

May you all do something today worth remembering...

Post so random...

To say I am exhausted would be a huge understatement.  I am beyond tired, so much so that my body aches with fatigue.  The weekend we had in Plainview celebrating Mother's Day and Zoe's birthday really took it's toll on us.  We are all still trying to recover which has resulted in more than a few melt-downs in this house.

I really did enjoy our visit back in Plainview.  Though we no longer consider Plainview our "home" we still enjoy getting to see our family, especially when we have the time to visit everyone and not be rushed.

Zach and I took advantage of the six hours with little radio reception to talk to one another, really talk, which isn't something we are able to do very often.  We talked about a lot of things - our future, our visions for our ministry, the paths that led us to where we are now, and where we see God working in our lives.  What a great relief to know that we are both on the same page on most of these issues.  I really have found my soul mate.

Another great moment was when we got to share some of these revelations with our dear "sister" (not by blood but brought together by God) Erin.  I can not wait to see what God has in store for her and her future husband.

Keeping on with the randomness of this post I would encourage you all to read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  I have only made it through about half of this book but I think about it often.  It's not the type of book I would usually read but I am glad I picked it up.

Zoe had a great birthday.  She got to have a sleepover with her cousins, something which she has been asking for for a long time, and eat lots of cake.  So much so that she was turning down ice cream.  I think she is struggling with the idea of being five and therefore, a "really big girl."  The other night she was watching as I went to check on Noah after he fell asleep for the night (at 5:30 - I told you we had a rough weekend).  She noted how I arranged his pillows and moved somethings around and then tucked his blanket around him.  Later that night as I was putting her to bed she asked,"Mom, will you do with my blanket and pillows what you did with Noah?"  I complied, though it wasn't necessary, and she was pacified.  Last night when we told her to go to bed she asked again,"Mom, will you do to me what you do to Noah when you check on him?"  Again I complied. 

This got me thinking, though we grow older and less dependent on others sometimes we need to know that if we need it, someone will be there to take care of us.  Sometimes we need to know that even when we don't need it, someone is there to let us know we are loved and cared for.

My heart is full and here's hoping yours is too.

My "really big girl."

Just life

Let me start out by saying I love Netflix instant streaming.  This week while I have been taking it easy on my back, Netflix has been a sanity saver.  Lots and lots of Bones, Psych, and the Office. 

This week has been the "home-stretch" for summer.  Zach has been crazy busy for work closing up the semester but tomorrow is his last scheduled event.  Today the Wesley is having its first annual golf tournament.  This event has been very stressful for Zach and I for one am glad to see it behind us. 

Thursday night we had an open house at Zoe's new school for next year.  She is so excited to be starting Kindergarten, very ready to find out who her new teacher is going to be.  The idea of her starting big girl school next year makes me a little weepy so I try not to think of it too much.

Next week my little girl turns five. FIVE!!  How is that possible?  I asked her what she wanted more than anything for her birthday and she said, "Olive Garden."  We plan to go there Thursday night as we are going to Plainview on Friday for her birthday and Mother's day.  We haven't been back to Plainview since Christmas. 

Last night, after a busy day full of a doctors appointment, errands, shopping, rummage-saling at church, and picking Noah up from school, Zach really wanted a nice, quiet evening to rest.  He was exhausted from helping Travis move and watching the Avengers at midnight the day before.  We cooked out on the grill and then treated the kids to watching a movie in the guest room before bed (we don't allow them to watch tv in there often).  After months of waiting for a good time we decided to finally try and watch Money Ball.  It probably took us three hours to watch the movie because of the constant interruptions from our children.  After the tenth time of having to pause the movie because of the kids I could see the vein starting to pulse in Zach's forehead.  He was not enjoying the trappings of parenthood in that moment.  I scooped up Noah and laughing, took him to his room and put him in bed.  Zach, shaking his head at me said, "I'm glad you think its so funny."  My response was, "Sometimes all you can do is laugh." 

I know that is a cliche thing to say but it's so true.  Life gives us so many interruptions, plans get ruined, messes happen, and those moments of quiet and rest we think we desperately need never seem to turn out the way we want.  We can choose to let those moments bring us down or we can laugh, shake it off, and keep on trucking. 

Here's to some calm during the noise of life, but if that doesn't happen, here's to a sense of humor to keep us sane...

Worth a 1,000...

I would like to take a moment and give a shout-out to The Hersey Company for making Jolly Rancher chews and packaging them in the "big" bag.  They are my weakness for sure, so addicting.  I have almost gone through an entire bag while watching the Rangers play in game 3 of the World Series.  Not the best game for my Rangers but we wont talk about that.

Last night, on the insistence and planing of my wonderful husband, I enjoyed a night out with no kids and no husband.  There sure aren't many of those nights around here.  It was quite refreshing to come home after seeing a movie and find my kids in bed asleep...and I didn't have to put them there!!

Today after Zach finished his work day at the Wesley we packed the kids in the car and drove up the hill to take some family photos.  We had our pictures taken professionally when Zoe was about 5 months old.  The pictures were cute but the bill was ridiculous.  We decided then that we could take our own pictures and save the money for something more important (like rent and food).  So, that's what we did today.  We grabbed a tripod and the camera and headed out.  Noah had just woken up from a nap so he was not feeling generous with his time or space.  He much preferred to walk around and explore the terrain.  I wasn't able to get a good photo of the kids together but I can save that photo shoot for some day when Zach's at work.

Below I will attach a few of my favorites.

Our crazy family photo

I haven't had an opportunity to work with and edit the pictures yet.  That will be for another day.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!