Home Alone!

So, here I am, home completely alone.  I'm okay with that, for a few days at least.  I lived alone for so many years it's rather nice to get a taste of that again.  Of course, I miss my darling little family like crazy.  I am whiling away my evening/night listening to some tunes.  It's been a while since I've had an opportunity to just decompress, without worries of bothering my kids or husband.

When I'm down I search every mistake
I'm looking for new regrets
Sometimes I forget, I forget
That His grace is sufficient for me
That it's deeper and wider than I can conceive
His grace is sufficient for me


These are some lyrics of Jennifer Knapp's (LOVE HER) "His Grace is Sufficient."  Now, I'm not here, at this moment, dwelling on some sad thoughts, but I know that in those moments where I am feeling particularly depressed I search for more things to be depressed about.  I will often find myself doubting everything about who I am, insisting that I am worthless and undeserving of all the many blessings I have.  In the back of my mind, I know this is just not true.  I am just as worthy as everyone else because His Grace is Sufficient.  I can't understand it but I can appreciate it.  Or as another great song can explain:


It’s good to know
That there’s a second chance
Know that it’s all in Your hands
Even if I just don’t understand
’Cause I know that I will be alright
I finally see the other side
It takes the darkness to open up your eyes
Sometimes


Thank You Francesca Battistelli!


On another note, got some packing done even while enjoying my Harry Potter marathon.  I was able to get most of Zoe's toys packed, and believe me when I say that was no small feat! 


Blessings to you all!

I guess I'm a natural born pessimist...

I was recently perusing Facebook and came across a note written by a "friend" (in quotes because though I went to high school with this person I wasn't really their friend) and it brought up some feelings that I have been struggling with. Recently I was hit hard by watching and reading news about a man who died in an accident at Ranger stadium. Though his death is tragedy enough, what hit me the hardest was that his young son was with him. I can't imagine what his son is going to struggle with for the rest of his life. It struck me how much tragedy is in the world and how little I have personally experienced. Now, while a naturally optimistic person would simply count their blessings and move on, I am left with the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Certainly I realize how truly blessed I am and am thankful everyday for those blessings, but I can't shake the feeling that something terrible can happen at any moment. For example, yesterday we met Zach's brother in Witchita Falls to give him the kids to take to Plainview. Even though I was thankful that we didn't have to drive the entire distance to Plainview ourselves I had the thought of "what would happen if he was involved in a car accident with my children on board." My life could come tumbling down around me in an instance, just one bad decision, one second of carelessness...

At the beginning of the year Zach and I found out we were pregnant. I was excited and terrified at the same time. Another baby to love and cherish... I remember talking with my mother over the phone a few weeks into the pregnancy and expressing concern over the health of this baby. In my mind I struggled with the fact that I had had two healthy pregnancies resulting in two healthy babies...no problems, no losses... How could I be so lucky? What was it about me that I should be so fortunate when all over the world people are struggling with tremendous loss every moment of every day? Unfortunately my worries were founded as we did loose that pregnancy a few weeks later.

I don't know what answers I am trying to find by blogging about this except for maybe some release of my own inner angst... I will continue to pray for the safety of my loved ones and not dwell on the tragedies that I imagine could happen to me...