Thursday, July 21, 2011

Almost Home

In one week from today we will be gone from New Boston.  I have to say I am ready.  I much dislike living in limbo.  I need to put my roots down for me and my children.  Zach and I are very optimistic for this move and this new start of ours.

Everywhere we have gone lately people ask us how the packing is going.'s going...  :)  It's so much easier not having the kids here.  Their rooms are completely packed and their furniture disassembled ready to load on the truck when we get it next week.  I have a bad back so I'm glad that I don't have to pick up Noah on top of the stress of packing.

Zach had his last Wednesday night meeting with his youth kids last night. They played spoons and everyone enjoyed some nifty gifties of my own making...basically random gift bags filled with crap we were going to throw away and thought might be amusing to give to some unsuspecting kids.

I probably wont blog again until we set up shop in New Mexico so until then, "Happy Trails!"

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Home Alone!

So, here I am, home completely alone.  I'm okay with that, for a few days at least.  I lived alone for so many years it's rather nice to get a taste of that again.  Of course, I miss my darling little family like crazy.  I am whiling away my evening/night listening to some tunes.  It's been a while since I've had an opportunity to just decompress, without worries of bothering my kids or husband.

When I'm down I search every mistake
I'm looking for new regrets
Sometimes I forget, I forget
That His grace is sufficient for me
That it's deeper and wider than I can conceive
His grace is sufficient for me

These are some lyrics of Jennifer Knapp's (LOVE HER) "His Grace is Sufficient."  Now, I'm not here, at this moment, dwelling on some sad thoughts, but I know that in those moments where I am feeling particularly depressed I search for more things to be depressed about.  I will often find myself doubting everything about who I am, insisting that I am worthless and undeserving of all the many blessings I have.  In the back of my mind, I know this is just not true.  I am just as worthy as everyone else because His Grace is Sufficient.  I can't understand it but I can appreciate it.  Or as another great song can explain:

It’s good to know
That there’s a second chance
Know that it’s all in Your hands
Even if I just don’t understand
’Cause I know that I will be alright
I finally see the other side
It takes the darkness to open up your eyes

Thank You Francesca Battistelli!

On another note, got some packing done even while enjoying my Harry Potter marathon.  I was able to get most of Zoe's toys packed, and believe me when I say that was no small feat! 

Blessings to you all!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I guess I'm a natural born pessimist...

I was recently perusing Facebook and came across a note written by a "friend" (in quotes because though I went to high school with this person I wasn't really their friend) and it brought up some feelings that I have been struggling with. Recently I was hit hard by watching and reading news about a man who died in an accident at Ranger stadium. Though his death is tragedy enough, what hit me the hardest was that his young son was with him. I can't imagine what his son is going to struggle with for the rest of his life. It struck me how much tragedy is in the world and how little I have personally experienced. Now, while a naturally optimistic person would simply count their blessings and move on, I am left with the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Certainly I realize how truly blessed I am and am thankful everyday for those blessings, but I can't shake the feeling that something terrible can happen at any moment. For example, yesterday we met Zach's brother in Witchita Falls to give him the kids to take to Plainview. Even though I was thankful that we didn't have to drive the entire distance to Plainview ourselves I had the thought of "what would happen if he was involved in a car accident with my children on board." My life could come tumbling down around me in an instance, just one bad decision, one second of carelessness...

At the beginning of the year Zach and I found out we were pregnant. I was excited and terrified at the same time. Another baby to love and cherish... I remember talking with my mother over the phone a few weeks into the pregnancy and expressing concern over the health of this baby. In my mind I struggled with the fact that I had had two healthy pregnancies resulting in two healthy problems, no losses... How could I be so lucky? What was it about me that I should be so fortunate when all over the world people are struggling with tremendous loss every moment of every day? Unfortunately my worries were founded as we did loose that pregnancy a few weeks later.

I don't know what answers I am trying to find by blogging about this except for maybe some release of my own inner angst... I will continue to pray for the safety of my loved ones and not dwell on the tragedies that I imagine could happen to me...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Don't you just love that feeling of coming off a great, productive weekend? It's a kinda "high on life" feeling. It seems as most of my weekends leave me feeling "high on life." I am extremely blessed, and even on my darkest of moments, I realize how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband and two lovely children, not to mention a host of great friends and extended family. I have the sense of security enough that even when faced with uncertainty of the future, such as moving to a new state to a new job, I know that I have all I could possibly need, right here, in my arms...

On the news front today was the last Sunday for the kids at Tapp. Zoe got a stuffed kitten from her SS teacher name "Mr. Whiskers" after a character in their curriculum. She loves it. This afternoon she had a friend come over to play and they had the best time. Big goodbye hugs were given at end. I'm so proud of how well Zoe is handling this move, even if she doesn't fully comprehend what is happening. Both kids will be heading to Plainview sometime within the next week. I am so going to miss them but am looking forward to having sometime to myself to devote to cleaning and packing. I get overwhelmed when I go over my mental list of "to-dos" and will need that uninterrupted time to get everything done.

Time to log off now and get the kids down for bed. Blessings to you all...

Friday, July 8, 2011

This is the stuff...

This is a song by Francesca Battestelli (sp) that has been running laps in my head for the past several day. If you haven't heard it I recommend you youtube it, it's wonderful and wraps up most of our lives in a nice little song.

Zach, Zoe and I have been working most of the day in the heat of summer in the garage preparing for a garage sale tomorrow...or rather Zach and I have been working and Zoe has been running around picking things up and asking about a million questions, give or take a few. Who's idea was it to move to another state again?? Our plan is to get rid of enough stuff that everything will fit onto the moving truck and our vehicles and not have to rent another trailer. We shall see...

I woke up this morning with a goal to go the entire day without raising my voice at one or both of my children (although to be honest, Noah rarely incurs my wrath). So far so good though it has been a challenge at moments. Four year olds - can't live with them, and nobody else wants them...

So, that's today in a nutshell, or rather a nut house, as it seems at the moment...anyone want to come over and help me build a fort out of my boxes??