What doesn't destroy us...

I hate to complain via the internet but it's been a rough week for me.  I've been struggling with back pain for over a year after injuring it trying to move to New Boston and have been visiting a chiropractor twice weekly for a while now.  After every visit I hurt more and after my visit on Tuesday was laid up in bed for three days.  That's a hard thing for anyone, especially one with two small children who, because when it rains it pours, have both gotten sick.  Zach has been able to be home a little more and that has been most helpful.  However, he's gone today, and although I am feeling better, today is very difficult for me.  You see, it was this time last year, as I was waiting for Zach to come home from Upwards basketball so we could meet some friends in Texarkana for lunch, that I started bleeding and would soon learn the pregnancy I had been 10 weeks into was ending.  In the quiet moments yesterday and today I am taken back a year ago and the next thing I know my face is wet with tears.  I mourn that life that never was and the dreams I had that never came to realization.

It's a difficult time and I certainly wish Zach was home with me instead of on yet another Wesley trip, but I know this too shall pass.  I will get through this day, just like I was able to get through the days that I endured a year ago, consumed with pain, more intense than I've ever experienced.  I will hold my children tight, tend to their needs and try not to think about the sibling they will never know.

The Lord has blessed me, and He will carry me through today, just as He has every other day.  Thanks be to Him...

Desperately Seeking Sanity...

There's no doubt that I love my children.  However, there are days where it takes extra effort to enjoy them.  Anyone with me?

I know that Zach and I are hard on the kids.  We expect a lot from them and I find myself constantly having to remind myself of their ages.  Zoe is four, she requires some slack.  I also know that they are capable of a lot and without being pushed to be better versions of themselves, they will never realize their full potential.  Some of you may be thinking right now, "Gee, that's harsh," and you may be right.  However, I want my kids to be polite, helpful, loving children with a servant's heart and without pushing them towards that, it will not happen.

That being said, they aren't perfect.  Noah has apparently entered the "terrible two" stage prematurely and some days are extremely trying.  This little man has a fury that can not be equaled, except maybe by Hulk himself.  I never quite know these days what will incur his wrath, but when it happens, hold on tight.  Zoe would throw fits but she was never the one to throw herself on the ground and flail about, without care to who or what may be in striking distance, so this is new territory for us.  So, yes, there are days, that even though I love that I am able to stay at home with my kids, I long for someone to come and relieve me of my job.  Lately, Zach has been away more than usual and I have been about to pull my hair out.  There have been moments that I definitely feel my sanity ebbing and have to remove myself from my kids company.

So, with all of these trying times I realize that I have to make the effort to enjoy being around my loving children.  For example, the other night Zach was once again absent from our home, leaving me the task of feeding, bathing and getting the children ready for bed.  Lately, bed time has taken on a new level of effort, and frankly, I was tired of the battle. I decided to just let the kids entertain each other and wear one another out, until they were just so exhausted they begged to be put to bed (snigger).  What ensued was one of the more entertaining evenings I have ever experienced with my children.  Zoe took it upon herself to teach her brother some of her favorite songs (she really is a great big sister) and from there, it became quite the little production.  They sang, they danced, they dressed up...pure hilarity.  At one point, Zoe came out with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and brandishing a hanger saying,"I have a sword and a cape. I'm SHEERA!"  If you feel so inclined you are welcome to wander over to my facebook page and watch the video snippet I caught of this evening.

Yes, parenting is hard, especially with little ones.  There will be days that make you question this notion of procreating.  There will be moments when you would be willing to give a weeks income for someone to please give you a few hours of quite alone time.  And there will be days that you ask your husband, with only a hint of jest, if you could list your son for sale on Craigslist.  In those moments I suggest to you to make the effort to put down those tasks you are constantly being interrupted from, and simply enjoy your little bundles.  It may take some effort but in the end it will be truly rewarding.

Praying you see your blessings today.

Back in the saddle...

Its been a while since my last post as my computer has bit the dust. I have mourned it's loss greatly, commandeering zach's iPad when he's not playing words with friends or perusing facebook. The entire family has spent the time since Christmas battling the flu and a cold that wont go away, while also trying to get back into the swing of work and school. I have spent my down time and sleepness nights in regular Mikel fashion, that is dwelling on things outside my control and having imaginary conversations in my head. I have also spent the time surfing the web, at least the web that my phone will allow. There have been many things that I have come across that has spurred the "wheels" into action that I felt warranted a blog post.

 Last night on Facebook I came across a picture that I have seen before and I'm sure you have too. This picture dipicts the difference in education between today and x many years ago, making the point that today's parents are more inclined to blame the teacher when their child fails. The picture I saw last night however, had one addition, the word "Ego" boldly written below the illustrations, as an explanation of the true problem with today's parents.

 Brilliance! That one, tiny little word explains it all. I see it all the time with parents, this unwillingness to admit that their child is in some way imperfect which may imply that they are not, in fact, a perfect parent, as they would like the world to believe. I get it, I really do. There is so much comparison going on among parents, each spouting that their way of parenting is the only way. I say, embrace your imperfections in parenthood. I'm well aware that there are people out there who criticize the way I am willing to vent my frustrations with parenthood. Some may say that i should just be grateful that I have two healthy children and quit my complaining. Well, I complain for a few reasons: first, if I don't vent about them, i run the risk of venting to them; second, it helps to know that whatever problem you may be having, you are not alone; and third, it keeps me grounded, because, no matter how bad I feel my children are being, it could always be worse.

 The past few weeks have been trying for me. I haven't felt well and neither have my kids. Noah has a cold, a terrible diaper rash, and is teething, creating days that are long and exhausting. On top of that, Zach is going out of town tomorrow for the second weekend in a row. Yes, parenting is hard, and I am far from perfect at it. However, I am reminded of a quote I heard some where, "If you don't view parenting as a near impossible task, you probably aren't doing it right."

That said, I want to make it clear that though I know I am far from the perfect parent, I am constantly striving to be better.  I owe my kids that much.  They didn't ask to have us as parents and they deserve the best of us.  Also, acknowledging my own weaknesses means I also have to acknowledge my children's weaknesses, which is necessary if they are to grow and better themselves.

Blessings to you all...

Finding your joy...

When I was young I remember December being the longest month of the year.  It seemed as if Christmas would never make it, and then on Christmas night I would feel a sense of mourning for the season that was now over.  Now, as an adult, I find that the month passes so quickly I struggle finding time to actually enjoy it.  We rush around, trying to fit in all of our various obligations, finish our shopping, bake untold amounts of cookies for parties and before we know it, it's Christmas night and once again I mourn for the season I didn't get to find much joy in.  I love Christmas, always have.  It's not the gifts I love but everything else the holiday encompasses.  I enjoy giving to others but our tight budget and long list of people to buy for have replaced the joy with stress.   I miss the childish anticipation of the day that I felt in my youth.

Last year I instigated a new tradition of watching Mickey Mouse Christmas Carol with the kids.  This year I'm trying to figure out a time in our schedule to fit it in, along with other Christmas activities to do with the kids.  I have my house decorated, I've seen Santa, I've read Zoe the Christmas story, and yet it doesn't feel like Christmas.  How do you get yourself in the spirit?  What brings you joy this holiday season?

The closest I've felt to being in the Christmas spirit this year was last weekend when my parents came to visit.  We went to eat supper and then drove around to look at Christmas lights.  When we returned home we lit a fire in the backyard and roasted marshmallows and drank hot chocolate.  There were a few moments of peace that I was able to just sit back and enjoy.

My mission for the next week is to enjoy this holiday, the season and everything about it, not only for me, but for my children.  I want them to look back to their childhood with fond memories of traditions with their family.  I want them to know the true joy of the Christmas story.  I love Zoe's excitement everytime she sees a nativity scene, "Mom, that's Mary! She's Jesus' mom and Joseph was his dad, well, God is his dad, but Jesus is God, too."   I don't want her to lose that excitement.

Below is a picture of Zoe having a chat with Santa at church last night.  It's a little blurry (our nice camera is broken so I'm having to resort to using our cheap one) but I still love it.

Here's hoping you feel overwhelmingly blessed this season.

Blessed by a miracle...

Hello all.  I wanted to devote this blog entry to my wonderful husband, Zach.  Last night, after a delightful night out, just the two of us, I reflected on how very fortunate I am to have Zach in my life.

For those of you who don't know, Zach is fortunate to be alive.  He was born 3 months premature and spent his first weeks in the NICU.  His twin, John David, did not survive.  By some miracle, Zach did, and I am so grateful.  I am grateful for my miracle, my healthy, happy, crazy, funny, smart, wise, and loving miracle.  I can not imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have this man in my life.  I know for sure, I wouldn't be half the woman I am today without him.  Thank you Lord for blessing my life and countless others with this man.

I hope Zach enjoyed his birthday.  It was a low key affair, no presents, no grand celebration.  Last night we had our date night, and even though it wasn't exciting by any means, it was calm and quiet.  Thankful for Wesley kids who are willing to babysit!  Today was a busy day for Zach.  We had church, then Zach had to prepare for a hike up "Aggie" Mountain with Wesley.  Unfortunately, rain kept them from hiking so they chose to worship at the Wesley instead.  Soon after that we hosted the Wesley Leadership Christmas Party at our house with "Methodist" burgers and a cake I baked for Zach.  They are a great group and I hope everyone enjoyed it, I know we did.

I also hope that Zach knows how much he is loved. Loved by me and by his children.  Zoe is certain that the sun sets and rises on her daddy, and what a great daddy he is.  May we never take him for granted.

LOVE YOU ZACH!!

Bechtold's take on Thanksgiving.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday.  Ours was, as usual, hectic and crazy.  I wonder what it would be like to stay home on Thanksgiving, watching tv, eating, napping...sigh...

We went back to Plainview on Tuesday and arrived in time for supper.  My wonderful mother had made a delicious stew and my sister and her husband came over to enjoy it with us.  Wednesday we stayed in the house and that afternoon my sister came over and we put up my parent's Christmas Tree.  Kelly also helped Zoe write her letter to Santa and together, they made a gluten-free pumpkin pie.

 Doodle Bears are at the top of the list this year.

Because one cup isn't enough...

Thanksgiving day Zach went over to his parents to help his dad cook, just like he does every year.  I stayed and helped Mom cook.  We had a small group at her house and the food was delicious.

The kids play outside before lunch.

Later that afternoon we went across town to Zach's parent's house for the rest of the evening.  About 9:30 that night Mom, Zach and I headed out to Wal-mart.  It was insanity but we knew what we wanted, zoomed through the store and was checked out by 10:30.  I got a Leapfrog Tag Reader for Zach's mother to give to Zoe for Christmas.  It was a bargain.

Mom had gotten the day after Thanksgiving off from work for the first time in years so we decided to venture out on our first Black Friday shopping endeavor with my sister, a veteran Black Friday shopper.  We got up and left town at 6:00 and made it to Amarillo and hit Lowe's at 7:30.  I was shocked at how calm everything was.  I was expecting chaos and didn't see any sign of it any place we went.  We hit all the big places: Home Depot, JC Penneys, Target, etc., but didn't encounter any major lines or crowds.  Penney's was crowded, but it felt more like any Saturday.  I was able to mark some things off my list and we were back in Plainview by 3:30.

We headed back to LC on Saturday morning, driving in a huge wind storm.  At some points visibility didn't extend past the hood of the car.  We even hit a wall of tumbleweeds that completely blocked the road and was taller than our car.  It was not an enjoyable drive.

There's a road there somewhere...

Now, Christmas.  I am not in the spirit yet this year, more stressed than anything.  Hopefully that will change in the coming weeks.  

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week.  Blessings to you!

Traditions and such

I love family traditions.  My mother loves them too, I guess that's where I get it.  Christmas was always an important time for our family because of all the traditions we had.  It was important to me, when Zach and I started our own family, to incorporate traditions into our holidays.  One thing that I always enjoyed doing, and still do for that matter, is decorating the Christmas tree.  I know so many who see this activity as a chore instead of a treat and that makes me sad for them.  I am so thankful that I married a man who can find the joy in performing this task.

Since we are traveling over the Thanksgiving holidays we have begun putting our tree up before we leave to visit family.  We put on Christmas music and enjoy looking at all the ornaments we have collected over the years.  Zoe loved pulling out an ornament from the box and asking who's it is. Noah kept pointing to the tree and saying "Wow."  Even Zach got into the spirit, singing along and putting his ornaments up.

Zoe helps to string the lights.

Putting up the star.

Noah helps put ornaments on the tree.

This year we instituted another tradition by having a Harry Potter themed family night.  Zoe and I made and decorated cookies and Zach inflated the air mattress in front of the t.v.  After supper we put on a Harry Potter movie and enjoyed homemade Butterbeer and our cookies.  It was, admittedly, a lot of sugar to ingest before bedtime, but it was a good night.

Yummy Butterbeer!

We look forward to repeating this experience next year and seeing how it evolves as the kids get older.

Would love to hear some of your favorite traditions!